There is a new craze sweeping through the Yankees clubhouse. You could even call it an addiction. Possibly a sickness.
The New York Yankees are hooked on Hi-Chew.
What the hell is Hi-Chew, you ask? Some kind of amphetamine that baseball hasn’t gotten wise to yet? A PED so new even Ryan Braun hasn’t discovered it?
No, Hi-Chew is not a PED. Hi-Chew is a form of Japanese candy that evidently has highly addictive properties.
The candy, described as a cross between bubblegum and Starburst, was introduced to the Yankees via their pitcher Hiroki Kuroda.
Ever since Kuroda first started handing out Hi-Chew in the clubhouse, multiple Yankee players have become freaks for the stuff. Veritable Hi-Chew crackheads.
“I was first introduced to Hi-Chew in Boston last year,” reliever Matt Thornton said via ESPN. “When I first saw it come into the clubhouse here, I knew immediately that it would be a huge hit with the guys.
“There is something about them. I don’t know if there is some sort of illegal substance in them or something like that [that] makes them so addictive, but they are definitely one of those things where you can knock down 10 and not even realize it. I had a steady diet of them going on in the playoffs last year. They are good. They are kind of a newer candy over here.”
Hi-Chew is not exactly new in the states, having been available for decades, but the Yankees only found out about it when Kuroda, at the behest of the company that makes the stuff, began pushing it on his teammates.
If the plan was to get the Yankees hopelessly hooked on the stuff, the plan worked. Weirdly enough though, one of the few Yankees not totally addicted to Hi-Chew is Japanese pitcher Masahiro Tanaka.
Tanaka actually seems a tiny bit nervous about the sinister potential of Hi-Chew.
“I’m not worried, but I see a lot of the guys eating it,” said Tanaka.”I’m not worried.”
Is there any reason maybe we should be worried? What is Tanaka hiding? This is getting a little bit strange. I’m not sure I trust this Hi-Chew stuff.
This could be the set up for a really weird horror movie. Or a prelude to a painful trip to the dentist for a couple Yankees. Either one.