Randy Johnson once famously obliterated a bird with a fastball (no PETA, there was nothing he could’ve done about it). History almost repeated itself Wednesday night when a bird flew right onto the field while the Diamondbacks’ Chase Anderson was pitching to the Padres’ Seth Smith.
Thankfully last night’s bird was spared the same fate as the one Randy Johnson sent to birdie heaven with his heater. But it was close. Last night’s bird could easily have ended up disappearing in a puff of feathers.
MLB, what are you going to do about this ever-worsening bird menace? I’m being serious here. Anyone who has watched a game at Wrigley Field in recent years knows what I mean. Wrigley around about 4 in the afternoon turns into a scene from Hitchcock’s The Birds. It’s really creepy. And one of these days someone is going to get attacked.
I see only two possible solutions. One, MLB has to start filling stadiums with cats, to scare off the birds. Or, two, MLB needs to sink R&D money into force field technology. Just throw up a force field around the ball park and keep the birds out.
If nothing is done about the scourge of the birds, I fear something horrible could happen. A severe pecking. Or possibly a poop-in-the-eye incident. Or one of the birds could get injured, which would cause PETA to totally go insane.