February 19, 2013; Glendale, AZ, USA; Chicago White Sox bench coach Mark Parent (8) poses for a picture during photo day at Camelback Ranch. Mandatory Credit: Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports

White Sox coach Mark Parent gives himself a major crotch adjustment (GIF)

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mark parent

When you’re sitting in the dugout all night, it’s all about comfort. If things start to get a little distressed down there, disarranged and out of position, then you have to go in and make an adjustment. Even if it means creating a disturbing image for all time.

White Sox coach Mark Parent is obviously a man who believes in keeping his crotch situation in order. He’s not afraid to go in deep. How deep? As deep as he needs to.

Deeper than Willard in Apocalypse Now.

Mark Parent: not shy.

And that is why it’s better not to pay attention to the stuff that goes on in the dugout. Between the spitting, the nose picking and the crotch grabbing, the average major league dugout continues to be the single most repulsive place on the face of the earth.

The camera only picks up about 5% of the stuff that goes on down there. I don’t even want to think about the other 95%. Nightmare fuel.

For reals. There isn’t enough brain bleach in the universe to get rid of those images. You want to lose your last remaining illusions about humanity? Just watch five minutes of what goes on inside a dugout. I think I’d rather spend an hour in a slaughterhouse.

(P.S. – Mark Parent, your headshot looks like a child molester mugshot. You might want to take that again without making that face.)

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Tags: Chicago White Sox