Dec 29, 2013; Phoenix, AZ, USA; San Francisco 49ers tight end Vernon Davis (85) against the Arizona Cardinals at University of Phoenix Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

49ers tight end Vernon Davis is Captain Torpedo (Video)

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I don’t know what Vernon Davis wants to do once his playing career ends but I sincerely hope he’s not planning on getting into acting. His performance in this Captain Torpedo clip makes Howie Long look like Daniel Day-Lewis.

Davis plays Captain Tordepo, a hero modeled on Captain America. Apparently Captain Torpedo’s only weakness is seaweed. He had a sidekick named Torpedo Boy but Torpedo Boy is now deceased. The clip features Captain Torpedo tied up in the lair of some evil supervillain who may be German or Russian, or possibly “Boogerian.”

Things take a very dark turn very quickly, as Captain Torpedo confronts the cartoonish baddie about his origins. It’s a superhero parody with more than a dash of Tarantino. And it stars Vernon Davis.

The video was produced by a company called French Mustache, which evidently is some kind of sketch comedy group that has a channel on Funny or Die. And now you know everything you will ever need to know about Captain Torpedo. Enjoy.

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Tags: San Francisco 49ers Vernon Davis

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