Frederick Douglass is alive and helping the Washington Wizards
By Bryan Harvey
The Washington Wizards are riding a seven game winning streak, and since Christmas, the team has won compiled a record of 17-4. This stretch of high quality play follows a 13 and 16 start to the season, which saw many overzealous analysts and writers predicting this season’s campaign ending in disaster. While the team is obviously playing better on both ends of the floor, players point to more than a mild winter for explaining why this season’s forecast is suddenly heating up.
“Oh, most definitely it’s Frederick Douglass,” said Otto Porter. “He’s a great guy.”
Sitting nearby in the locker room, Kelly Oubre, a second-year player who turned 21 years old this season, chimed in, “Yeah, man, Fred’s got great vision.”
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Washington’s roster, like all NBA rosters, carries twelve active players and one inactive player. Frederick Douglass has not been listed as either in a single game this season. He also is not listed as a coach, trainer, or member of the team’s front office.
Asked if Douglass is some sort of guru serving the team in a special, yet unofficial capacity, Markieff Morris, who escaped a negative situation with the Phoenix Suns last season upon his arrival in Washington, just laughed. “Nah, man, Fred’s a player,” he grinned.
Looking for some further explanation to Douglass’ role with the franchise, team leaders John Wall and Bradley Beal offered more specific, if not authoritative details about the mystery man.
“He’s a local dude,” offered Beal. “Right out of Anacostia, I think.”
Wall finished the narrative for his teammate: “What Bradley’s trying to say is that FD has a house over in Anacostia, but he’s been around all over. He plays that way too, getting up and down the floor. He likes to run. Europe and New York, but he’s out of the DMV. He spent a lot of time in Baltimore. He’s like KD, if KD had come home again.”
Before the Wizards were the Wizards, they were the Washington Bullets, and before that, they were the Baltimore Bullets. However, a look through the archives will find notable names such as Earl Monroe, Gus Johnson, and Wes Unseld, but no mentioning of the name Frederick Douglass. It is as if the man does not exist, except for in the minds of the Washington players.
“Oh, no, he’s definitely real,” said head coach Scott Brooks. “You can probably find him playing in some of the local three-on-three tournaments with a guy named Ulysses and a long fellow with a top hat. They run an excellent three-man weave.”
When asked if he were conflating three local hoops legends with two former presidents and a historical icon, coach Brooks replied, “Definitely not. It’s a stone cold fact that Naismith didn’t even invent basketball until 1891. Could be the names and appearances of these gentlemen are coincidental. You know how sometimes current players get compared to the past simply because we lack the language and understanding to explain the present on its own terms.”
The interviews with Brooks and his players occurred in the last week of January, when the seven-game win streak still stood at just three games, but the team’s fortunes were clearly on the rise. Who is Frederick Douglass and what influence has he had on this small band of red and blue clad men? Well, it’s difficult to say. The story stalled. Sources dried up. When individuals in the District of Columbia’s parks and courts were asked if they had heard about the man, they either shrugged or responded: “You mean the statue by the reflecting pool?”
Apparently, a trip to the National Mall, the nation’s official record of its own identity, was in order.
A stroll along the Potomac found the winter temperatures milder than usual, much more comparable with March or even April than a typical January. The cherry blossoms, however, were still not in bloom, and the sky was quite gray, like a chalkboard clouded with dust. In the place where Abraham Lincoln had always sat was a different figure who stared out onto the horizon in a manner that was both stern and stalwart. In a way, he resembled former NBA great Julius Erving, but with a harder gaze.
A few days later, at the start of February, President Donald Trump gave remarks at a breakfast marking the start of African-American History Month, and in that talk, he commented, “Frederick Douglass is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more, I notice.” Was the president referring to the historical Douglass or the mystery Douglass? Had he seen the alterations to the Lincoln Memorial?
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In a follow-up interview, the day after Washington defeated the New Orleans Pelicans 105-91, John Wall was asked about the president’s statements. His response: “Who’s Trump?”
Either way, the Washington Wizards are now ten games above .500.
*Some quotes and details from this story may have been exaggerated or outright created for effect. Trust that it was all done in service of a great narrative.