MLS week 17: Rivalry Week from the perspective of the rivals
In the spirit of MLS Rivalry Week, we’re looking at the big three rivalry matches being played this week from the perspective of each of the teams.
Happy MLS Rivalry Week. In celebration, we recommend you use as many MLS-sponsored products as possible this week: drive an Audi, drink some Heineken, educate yourself at Southern New Hampshire University and do whatever you do with Advocare. Maybe even misuse the Audi Player Index, to help let us know that Jerome Thiesson is a much better player than Diego Valeri.
There are only three legit rivalries being played this week, the core three: the Texas Derby (Houston-Dallas), the Hudson River Derby (NYCFC-NYRB) and the Cascadia Clash (Seattle-Portland). They’re on UniMas, Big FOX and ESPN, in that order. Here’s what each team will be thinking, from the perspective of that team:
Houston Dynamo: As the second-place team in the Western Conference, Dynamo fans can feel pretty good about their team, especially since FC Dallas are below them in the standings.
They’re at home for the second round of the Texas Derby after scratching out an ugly 0-0 draw in the first bout up in Frisco, where apparently orange smoke is worse than red smoke — this messy situation seems to have massively intensified the rivalry, at least in the stands. The Dynamo have yet to score less than two goals in a home game so far this year, and have seven wins from eight games at BBVA Compass Stadium, so Walker Zimmerman-less FCD are probably going to allow seven goals.
Alberth Elis is the best winger in MLS. Alex is the MVP. Cubo Torres actually has 15 goals, because PK goals are twice as good. And DaMarcus Beasley is ageless.
FC Dallas: Points per game is the true standings indicator, and FC Dallas are tops in the West in that. They would be leading the Supporters’ Shield race if Mauro Diaz didn’t get hurt.
Dallas are the best team in MLS at designing specific game plans for specific situations, and that’s why it took an injury to a center-back and a random Jahmir Hyka golazo to finally beat them on May 20. Oscar Pareja is a genius, and FCD have mastered the art of bunkering and taking away fast teams’ space. Add in the inevitable Magic Unicorn free kick in the 88th-minute and Dallas have this game locked up.
Also, FCD have the creatively superior workhorse No. 8.
New York Red Bulls: Remember 7-0? Jesse Marsch does.
The Red Bulls are fifth in the East with a game in hand on the fourth-place team, Orlando City, who just lost their best player for a few weeks. All the struggling earlier in the season without Dax McCarty and the annual 4-2-2-2 failure is over, and the Tyler Adams Revolution is here. Adams, the Long-Term Dax Replacement, is skipping his high school graduation to play in this game, which is far superior to NYCFC’s headliner midfielder, Andrea Pirlo, who’s skipping another grill session to walk a few feet at Red Bull Arena — where you actually have to run, because it’s a full-size soccer field.
Bradley Wright-Phillips is back and ready a score his yearly bike, which he only does on national television. With Tyler in the lineup, Sacha Kljestan can afford to touch the ball in better spots, which he hadn’t been able to do. That adds up to another seven.
NYCFC: The Pigeons are third in the East, obviously better than the Red Bulls. They have the superior goal-scorer — David Villa, who also happens to be the best MLS player of all time — and they actually have a legitimate winger who is capable of also doing good attacking things alongside the main goalscorer. Jack Harrison is a prodigy, and also the best Englishman in New York.
Maxi Moralez does NYC’s creating now, not Pirlo, so that’s an improvement. The man, the myth, the legend Tommy McNamara might well be starting in light blue, which gives his team an immediate advantage due to his greatness. NYCFC’s backline is uncriticizable, because NYRB’s is just as bad without Aurelien Collin. The Light Blues, who also have better nicknames than the Red Bulls, are better up and down the roster.
Portland Timbers: The last two years have both seen Seattle and Portland win championships. That means this year proves once and for all the better team. Whoever finishes higher wins.
Guess who’s higher now? That would be Portland. The Timbers are third in the Western Conference, tied on points with second-place Houston, who they beat in March. Seattle, meanwhile, are in eighth, behind San Jose and Vancouver and just barely ahead of Minnesota and Real Salt Lake. Fanendo Adi is scoring a lot, which nobody from the Sounders can say, and Diego Valeri remains the most-liked and one of the best players in MLS.
And this game’s at Providence Park, too.
Next: Every MLS teams' best player aged 20 or under
Seattle Sounders: Yes, the Sounders are below the Timbers in the standings. But this is because Jordan Morris has had an ankle injury all season and Nicolas Lodeiro and Clint Dempsey have been ice cold all year, which means they’re just getting ready to go superhuman on the league like they briefly did last year.
And, let’s remember, the Sounders didn’t make their big run to the MLS Cup last year until the second half of the season, after they had made a really good DP signing that made them better than the rest of the league. They have another available slot for this summer. Put the pieces together.
The Sounders are due. It will all come together, conveniently, in Portland.