The 139th running of the Kentucky Derby is later today and to help you get in the spirit of things, we thought we’d do a brief overview of all the horses in the field by ranking them by which ones have the coolest names.
Let’s be honest here, most of America isn’t that into horse racing year round. We SHOULD be, but that is a different column.
Today, millions of horse racing newbies will go to a Derby party and many will decide to hop online and place a wager on a horse. Most of these folks will have no inside knowledge. Heck, they won’t even have the common knowledge about things like the horses bloodline, record and so forth.
So how will they choose which horse to put there money on?
They’re going to pick the name they like the most.
Let’s break down the field. Current odds are also included.
20. Black Onyx (scratched)
We had really high hopes for Black Onyx but alas, the horse has been scratched. I damn near might have put my money on this horse, too. Ah well. You can’t bet on a horse that isn’t running. Actually, if you want to, you can. Just leave your credit card number in the comments.
19. Oxbow (20-1)
Oxbow means a “u-shaped bend in the course of a river” or “a u-shaped collar for an ox.” It may mean something else to the owners but as a horse racing name, we’re not impressed.
18. Normandy Invasion (7-1)
Really? Talk about a depressing name. We’d find it pretty hard to put money down on a horse named Normandy Invasion. We’re proud of what our troops did on the beaches of Normandy but it was also one of the most horrific battles in human history. Cheering after a man says “Normandy Invasion” just makes us feel dirty.
17. Vyjack (37-1)
Vyjack sounds pretty cool. the name ends in a fricative consonant like so many swear words we love to use. Still, we don’t see it attacking much attention.
16. Orb (7-1)
We’re just not down with single syllable horse names. Orb is pretty cool but we don’t think it will sound good coming out of the announcer’s mouth. “Annnnd here comes Orrrrrrb down the stretch.” See, he’ll have to draw it out just to make it sound better. Not nearly as satisfying as Mine That Bird.
15. Charming Kitten (30-1)
I’m not putting my money on a horse called charming kitten but my grandma might.
14. Overanalyze (14-1)
Snore.
13. Palace Malice (24-1)
Rhyming is cool but we’re not sure these two words really go together very well. Unless the horse is named after King Joffery from Game of Thrones.
12. Falling Sky (39-1)
This one is pretty good and could attract the Chicken Little crowd. I’ve avoiding because it reminds me of that terrible TV show “Falling Skies.”
11. Mylute (13-1)
This is a weird name but unique enough to attract more than a few wagerers. Also, Mylute will be ridden by Rosie Napranvik, who will try to be the first female jockey to win the Derby.
10. Goldencents (6-1)
Goldencents is pretty bad ass and the horse is among the favorites. Still, it is only the second coolest horse with “golden” in its name.
9. Golden Soul (32-1)
Now we’re getting somewhere. The odds are long but Golden Soul is a terrific name for a Derby winner or an infomercial oldies album.
8. Verrazano (9-1)
We can get behind this one. Verrazano is named after the bridge that connects Staten Island to Brooklyn. Pretty cool idea.
7. Java’s War (22-1)
There are a lot of war and battle references this year. This one will appeal to the coffee-drinkers and people from the island in Indonesia.
6. Lines Of Battle (34-1)
Another fighting reference. Lines Of Battle is a good three-word horse name. The horse is also a long-shot so plop down some cash and try to win big.
5. Giant Finish (40-1)
Not the most imaginative but we like keeping our eyes on the prize. Plus, who doesn’t like Giants?
4. Will Take Charge
Sounds like a winner. (30-1)
3. Itsmyluckyday (9-1)
Itsmyluckyday is a great, if not somewhat trite, horse name. How can you not want to bet on a horse that’s name is a full sentence smashed together to make one word.
2. Revolutionary (5-1)
Great name. This horse is ridden by Calvin Borel, the most charismatic jockey in the field.
1. Frac Daddy (23-1)
Frac Daddy? You mean like Cat Daddy?