The Day I Learned about Fantasy Baseball from Kim Kardashian

May 12, 2012; Los Angeles, CA, USA; Kim Kardashian and Kanye West in attendance during game seven of the Western Conference quarterfinals of the 2012 NBA Playoffs between the Los Angeles Lakers and Denver Nuggets at the Staples Center. Lakers won 96-87. Mandatory Credit: Jayne Kamin-Oncea-USA TODAY Sports

In 2011 no one but reality TV junkies and the truly hopeless romantics we shocked when – after only 72 days – Kim Kardashian’s marriage to…crap, I honestly can’t remember that dude’s name. Seriously, I know it’s Kanye West now, but who was the dude she was married to for like a minute? Ah, who cares.

Anyway, Kim did teach us a valuable fantasy baseball lesson: you have to know when to throw a person away.

In 2010, I paid $26 for Nate McLouth in our auction. Before you berate me in the comments about overpaying for McLouth…actually, you should berate me for overpaying for McLouth.

But remember, in 2010 he had just come off a 20/19 season and two years prior had gone 26/23, while hitting .276 and scoring 113 runs. I ignored his dreadful spring training because I had a hunch his skills would bounce back. Then his April was absolute garbage, but I was slow to give up on him.

The writing was on the wall and I started the laborious process of fishing for a trade partner, not really wanting to acknowledge that plan A fell through and that I had to sell low on Nate Frickin’ McLouth.

Fortunately, I was able to package a recently anointed closer that I had grabbed just a week earlier off the waiver wire, add him to a then over-performing Phil Hughes, and flip them both for Andrew McCutchen, a new center fielder that folks hadn’t quite heard of yet. How things have changed since 2010, my fantasy baseball playing friends.

I then dropped Nate McLouth like the bottom dropped out of the housing market. Luckily, we know now that Kim was able to cut her loses and move on just as quickly.

Coming from experience, I have some tips for you on when to give up on a player.

1. Be aware when certain numbers stabilize.

April is a small sample size mathematically, but by a certain number of plate appearances certain metrics stabilize and you can predict with 70% certainty that what you are seeing now is roughly what you’ll get going forward. This was true with Nate McLouth. There was no bounce back in May or any month of that season thereafter.

Tom Tango and Statistically Speaking did some work on this. It’s nerdy, but I linked in case you are interested. An example is that at 200 PA a player’s walk rate stabilizes and at 300 PA a player’s HR/FB rate stabilizes.

It isn’t until 500 PA that a player’s SLG and OPS stabilizes, but 500 PA appearances is too long. You need to make a decision before your season is lost. Hence, we move to number two…

2. Look for a regression you may have missed.

I failed to factor in McLouth’s horrible Spring Training. I agree with conventional wisdom that tells you not to place too much emphasis on Spring Training, but with the caveat that you shouldn’t dismiss it entirely.

If you are trying to make a decision about cutting bait on poorly performing player you made need to look back at their Spring Training. Was their strikeout rate out of line with their career? Were they chopping them into the dirt when they used to hit them on a rope?

Go back to the end of the previous season as well. There may have been a regression in skills that you missed when you drafted them. (The inverse is also true. When Jose Bautista came seemingly out of nowhere to jack 56 home runs a look at his numbers at the end of the previous season showed that he had made an adjustment and was driving the ball much better.)

3. Notice the player’s patterns.

Is the player traditionally a slow starter? If so, stick with him a little longer.

Every season when David Ortiz is sucking it up in April I hop on the message boards and decry that “He’s done. Done, I tell you!” Well, May rolls around and it looks like Papi has a lot left in the tank.

4. Prepare for change early.

Start to see if there is trade potential out there before you even make the final decision to cut the guy. Throw out a couple trade fliers and gauge the interest. Study others teams and see if there is an owner with two center fielders on his roster. Scour the waiver wire for an adequate replacement.

Prepare for the change early so that you don’t wait too late and make the change out of desperation. You don’t want to make desperate fantasy baseball moves.

Remember, you didn’t spend millions to marry the guy, make solemn vows to him, and promise that only at death you’ll part. You just drafted him. If he’s not contributing to your team you need to make the decision to call it quits.

For a brief period Kim Kardashian was a free agent, boys. We should have made a claim for her on the waiver wire.