A Question of Manliness: The NFL’s real problem

By Josie Parnell | May 26, 2014

Oct 13, 2013; Seattle, WA, USA; General view of the goal posts with the pink NFL breast cancer awareness logo during the game between the Tennessee Titans and the Seattle Seahawks at CenturyLink Field. Mandatory Credit: Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports /

When Michael Sam came out prior to the 2014 NFL draft, there was no shortage of opinions. Positive or negative, open-minded or old school, the entire country was talking. People were talking about the change and impact on the sports world as a whole that would accompany the drafting of an openly gay man into the world’s manliest profession.

During this time, many men from professional and college sports across the board opened up and shared their honest thoughts and feelings, both to reporters and on social media.

Athletes from across all sports were asked, “How would you feel about playing next to an openly gay man?” Some players professed not to care and said that having a gay teammate wouldn’t affect them.

Others admitted that having an openly gay teammate share a locker room with them would make them uncomfortable.

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This question about discomfort, though, also raised another, different, deeper question. What about the trends of violence in professional athletes, in the NFL and across sports?

According to the UT San Diego NFL Arrest Database, during the 2012 season, 21 of 32 NFL teams employed a man who was charged with either violence or sexual assault against women. Many of these incidents were labeled as domestic violence, some were more random.

Ahmad Brooks on the San Francisco 49ers punched a random woman in the face at a bar, causing her to lose consciousness. Brandon Marshall of the Chicago Bears had a similar arrest. He too punched a random woman in the face at a bar. There are many, many more incidents of violence committed by athletes across sports, and you don’t have to look hard to find them.

This problem doesn’t solely belong to the NFL.

Major League Baseball’s Tampa Bay Rays currently employ Josh Lueke, who was charged with sodomy and rape while in the Texas Ranger’s AA system and later plead down to forcible imprisonment with violence. He served 42 days in jail, and since then, has repeatedly been referred to as having “overcome” his past.

The fact that a story arc exists indicating that a man who has been charged with sodomy and rape has anything to “overcome” further illustrates the problem. How is this acceptable? Lueke isn’t the only athlete with a violent past who has been lauded with the “overcoming obstacles” story.

This is a scary, disheartening trend.

So, with all of that said, where are the questions about being uncomfortable standing next to a man who has beaten or raped a woman? Why is it being assumed that a man who romantically loves another man makes men uncomfortable, but a man who beats or rapes a woman doesn’t? Does our society see men who are violent against women as more manly than gay men? What other conclusion could be raised from this compilation of facts?

21 football teams consisting of 60 players each had at least one man with a history of violence against women in 2012.

Did anyone ask a single player on one of those teams if they were uncomfortable with a violent criminal on their team? Has anyone asked any of Lueke’s Rays’ teammates how they feel about playing alongside a man who was charged with sodomy and rape, but plead down to forcible imprisonment? No. But these same players have been asked and have answered questions about how they would feel sharing a locker room with a gay teammate.

Am I asserting that all professional athletes don’t care about violence towards, or the sexual assault, of women? Absolutely not. I’m questioning a society, our society, where the media feels it’s acceptable to ask a professional or college athlete if a gay man would make him uncomfortable, but not acceptable to ask the same question about a man with violence and/or sexual assault against women in his past.

The bottom line is that the message being sent over the airwaves is that gay men are not manly, but men who beat and rape women are. That gays will take away from the manliness of sports, but those men who are violent towards women will not.

People are more comfortable admitting they are uncomfortable with a gay man than they are admitting they’re uncomfortable around a violent offender. The biggest question is why, and what can be done to change this type of thinking.

Maybe it’s this way because no one has ever mentioned it. Maybe we, as a society, have been ignorant to this. I’m not professing that a single blog post on a single website written by a single woman will change this. But maybe it’s a step in the right direction.

A little food for thought though, what would make YOU more uncomfortable: Sharing space with a gay person or a violent criminal/rapist?

Do you even need to think about it?