Quite frankly, the WWE put together an absolutely terrible episode of Monday Night RAW this week. Throughout the entire show, I was simply driven mad by just how bad everything was, especially considering that last week’s episode was so good (minus one segment).
Unlike last week, in which simplicity, logic, and continuity reigned, this week’s episode seemed to just do things for the sake of doing them. Logic be damned.
More from WWE
- WWE Money in the Bank 2023 live results and highlights
- WWE Money in the Bank future locations, 2024, 2025 and beyond
- How to watch WWE Money in the Bank 2023: Full streaming guide
- WWE Money in the Bank 2023 start time, match card, live stream, and how to watch
- What time is WWE Money in the Bank 2023?
That theme kicked off in the last man standing match between Kane and Roman Reigns. Kane, under orders to channel the inner demon, unleashed a vicious chokeslam through a table. Reigns managed to just barely make it to his feat to break the ten-count, only to then quickly, and simply dispatch Kane with a regular spear finisher. That finish just simply didn’t add up to what the table spot seemed to build to.
To put it another way, it was basically a “LOL CENA WINS” special.
Later, Kane handed his mask over to Stephanie McMahon. The announce team attempted to sell the move as some huge shocking development. Which maybe would have worked if we already hadn’t seen Corporate Kane running around a few months ago. For some reason, the WWE felt the need to press some giant reset button for the Big Red Machine, but why do it twice in the same calendar year?
Take the top guy in the WWE to the limit, then fall easily to a guy fighting for a mid-card title.
To top it all off, a commercial break was placed in the middle of a “beat the clock” match taking out any drama out of actually beating the clock (although you could argue this later paid off). The WWE had an entire Rusev squash match over another commercial break. But hey, you should download the app to watch that and guess what else is on the app, the WWE network. It only costs $9.99/month as we heard throughout the night! It doesn’t reek of desperation in response to poor subscriber numbers. Not at all!
By the time the show got to the main event, I felt as if the moment of the evening was a pre-recorded video package featuring John Cena and Brock Lesnar (shown twice) who weren’t even at the show. But then the Authority subbed Rob Van Dam for Heath Slater and things got amazing.
Heath refused to lay down for Seth Rollins so he could easily beat the mark Dean Ambrose set. As Heath began to put up a fight, Dean Ambrose strolled out and created a variety of amazing and hilarious distractions.
Those distractions included stealing Seth’s briefcase, ripping up the contract inside, dumping a fan’s drink into it, dumping another fan’s popcorn into it, stealing JBL’s hat and stuffing it in the case, and triumphantly holding his handy-work above his head, soaking the entire announce team much to my delight.
The end result? Seth couldn’t handle all the distracts and the One Man Band, Heath freakin’ Slater, scored a main event victory. I finally gave RAW my first genuine pop of the evening.
Heath is a jobber that has perfected his craft of making everyone he faces look great. Nothing makes me happier than seeing someone like that rewarded with a surprise victory, much less in the main event.
The good times didn’t stop there as Brie Bella and Stephanie McMahon took the final segment to sign their contract. While Brie’s promo didn’t exactly win me over, she did a solid job and even halted a CM Punk chant dead in its tracks which surprised me.
Stephanie responded by delivered a simply scorching, truth-filled promo that Brie is really nothing more than a selfish person trying to get over on a McMahon by pretending to savior of those mistreated by The Authority.
Stephanie then transitioned from truth-bomb dropping heel to a Pedigree delivering badass, which, I must say she delivered quite well.
Those two final segments made the two-plus hours of awful that I sat through worth it. There is no way that the WWE can always hit on all cylinders every show. Even when they miss badly, I can only hope they deliver some moment to make all the garbage worth it. Seeing Heath get a main event win and Stephanie showing some ring chops did just that.
Is it a low bar to trip over? Probably, but not every program can be Daniel Bryan capturing the title at Wrestlemania.
As fans, we live for the moments. When the WWE manages to deliver at least one or two on a regular basis, we will keep tuning in.
Other notes from the show:
If you still have this show on your DVR, play a drinking game with it. Every time someone mentions the WWE network is $9.99/month, take a drink.
Congrats, you will be dead in less than three hours.
Regardless of how haphazard the Brie/Stephanie program has seemed at times, there is no doubt the WWE Universe is eating it up. Stephanie has nuclear heat from the live crowds and here I am hoping she Pedigrees Brie into oblivion. Mission accomplished, WWE.
Can I get the John Cena from this video full time? Cena is at his best when he is just, for a lack of a better term, being real and not his superhero persona. John Cena is great. John Cena the WWE kayfabe god is not.
Being a huge college football fan, watching Sandow troll the Austin crowd by coming out in Sooner gear made me so happy.
Mark Henry walking out in Texas gear made me even happier. Cheap home-town gimmicks work and I love them.
Hulk Hogan coming back on the go-home RAW makes sense. I’ve heard all kinds of rumors that the surprise guests will include the nWo, but put me down for that being the first live appearance of Sting because I’m a hopeless mark.
Lana doing her best Russian Marilyn Monroe “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” impression was a strange mix of heel work and sexy.
Is there anything more evil for an anti-USA heel to do than use their country’s flag as a weapon? You know Zeb isn’t going to use ‘Ol Glory as a weapon and stoop to that level, even to save Swagger.
I didn’t mention this in the continuity rant, but goodness, the Jericho matches to keep the Wyatt’s out of his SummerSlam match make no sense. At Battleground the referee tossed them, so are they really that dangerous?
And why does Wyatt DQ Harper? Does he not want him at ringside? Was the attack somehow worth it? Why not attack Jericho later? THIS MAKES NO SENSE.
Hornswoggle might be Fandango’s best dance partner ever.
Bo Dallas continues his “true colors” path and cheats to win. R-Truth responds…in the same way Bo did last week by attacking him? I get being angry, but come on, you’re supposed to be the good guy here.
Ambrose’s shocked face when Slater won was absolutely priceless:
