NFL Twitter: The best moments of Week 1

The first Sunday of this shiny new NFL season treated us to some thrilling comebacks (so close Colts!), and even more blazing dumpster fire infernos (that was pretty Jaguars of you, Jaguars).

That’s football, and the Sunday lunacy is what drives our collective addiction to this game, leading to a few months away from loved ones and many hours each week fine-tuning a couch groove.  But did you think we’d also see a teammate-on-teammate tackling in Week 1? What about a flying judo drop kick? A kicker honing his craft in the middle of a marching band?

No, those things are the monkey-riding-a-dog of the NFL, and a whole lot of them seemed to happen right away on a packed first Sunday that featured 10 games in the 1 p.m. ET time slot.

Did you miss some of day’s oddness while watching the actual football being played? For shame, get those priorities straight. Thankfully, the Internet keeps a running log of those things on Twitter dot com.

Here’s the best of NFL Twitter in Week 1.

Maybe turn those mics off?

It seems St. Doug was doing some early inquiries into Christmas card addresses for the officials. How nice.

Chad Henne might not be a good quarterback

When you blow a 17-0 lead and your quarterback completes only seven of his 22 attempts in the second half, maybe he might be better suited for a backup role behind your first overall pick?

FAT GUY TOUCHDOWN

That Eagles-Jaguars game was the gift of calamity that kept on giving. A second half that featured 34 unanswered Eagles points was capped by a 17-yard fumble-return touchdown by Fletcher Cox. Which meant the beauty of a fat guy touchdown was bestowed upon us from high above.

We praise thee, football gods.

Rex Ryan isn’t happy until rats die

The Jets won yesterday, beating the Raiders 19-14 during Derek Carr’s first road start, and his first start ever. It was a sloppy game with a strong stench to it, and although Geno Smith showed improvement at times, he still had two turnovers after coughing up 24 in his rookie season.

Rex Ryan was displeased, saying that a game against a rookie quarterback should have looked like a tiny rodent was being viciously murdered.

Wait, is San Francisco close to Dallas?

I’m not much of a geography guy, but I’m pretty sure it isn’t. Those Niners fans sure do travel well.

Let’s pause for a second to note that this exists

It still amazes me that people like this get up on a Sunday morning, get ready to go out in public (yes, a football game is still “public”, though barely sometimes), and are able to look in the mirror before leaving the house and say “YUP, PERFECT!”

The Redskins are all about fundamentals

Really fine form here.

Breaking: being a wide receiver in the NFL can often be a horrible experience

Dez Bryant didn’t catch a ball for his troubles, and he wasn’t close. Oh, AND it was also intercepted. Football is fun.

“I’ll take the wide receiving condom”

I’m not sure that’s a good idea.

Graham Gano needs to hone his craft, dammit

And he doesn’t care who or what is in the way, including trombone players.

This guy knows how to attend a football game

If you bring a box of Frosted Flakes to a football game, you’re doing life right.

It was not a pleasant day in Kansas City

When your team loses 26-10 at home to an opponent that calls Jake Locker its quarterback, this is quite understandably how the day ends. Just hang out there for a little bit, man. Everything will be alright.

A glorious cloud Bronco

Personally, I think seeing Jebediah Springfield with his head cut off would have been much better, but this was still pretty cool. I wonder if anyone in Denver is capable of cloud telekinesis?

MORTAL KOMBAT

Soon enough, going straight up Sub Zero and freezing defenders will be totally legal.

A fine quarterback herp derp

You can watch this many times (I have, far too many), and you’ll still have this question: how did Josh McCown still think “throw ball quick now!” was the right course of action after recovering his initial fumble?

Sometimes it’s the little things

And we end with the bright smile of a child who now has a memory forever.