WWE RAW Report (September 29, 2014): No Brock Lesnar, no problem

De-Dean-eration-X is here!

So this past weekend, I binge-watched a lot of the Monday Night Wars on the WWE Network. As I stated earlier, I was a huge WCW fan as a kid. I didn’t start jumping ship from Nitro 1999-2000ish and I was in high school. So by the time I was regularly tuning into RAW, the DX that I watched wasn’t the original HHH, Shawn Michaels, and Chyna trio. In watching the DX-centric episode, I got a great “best of” exposure to just how crazy HHH and Michaels were and how much more over the top it was in comparison to the DX I knew.

As I watched this entire Dean Ambrose segment, I couldn’t help but think constantly that this would be something that the original DX would come out and do. Sure, it wasn’t as racy as the duo that helped launched the Attitude Era, but it had all of the same “I don’t give a damn” rebel feel the entire way through.

I mean, just look at how the segment starts: Dean Ambrose sets up a clearance sale of stolen WWE merchandise just for the hell of it. While doing so, he makes fun of the wrestlers gear that he’s pulling out. “Oh this ridiculous Cena shirt? That’s worth $1, any takers? Goodness, Sheamus gear…eh, anyone got a quarter?”

Out comes Noble Mercury to confront Ambrose and the first thing out of his mouth is one of the most hilarious things I’ve heard a WWE star say in some time: “They sent the cruiserweight division out to stop me.” What makes that line DX-like genius was that DX would continuously throw “insider” barbs at the folks they were insulting. They didn’t break the fourth wall, but if you knew what was going on you could see that they were poking some holes in it while nodding and winking at you the whole time.

At one point in WWE history, Jamie Noble and Joey Mercury were pretty much most of the WWE’s tiny cruiserweight division. So the joke is certainly funny to anyone in the audience at face value, but to people that have been watching and paying attention for some time, the joke absolutely slays.

Dean Ambrose does this same trick again when he examines the security guards and wonders if they weren’t Rosebuds last week. It probably isn’t true, but we know the WWE fills roles like security guards and Rosebuds with random local talent, so it’s not like it’s out of the question and because of that, we laugh.

But anyways, DX Dean is out there flinging insults at everyone and throwing merchandise that he admits he stole into the crowd and even throws his bag into the crowd because why the hell not. Seth comes out all pissed and Dean, now done with his WWE Shop fire-sale backs down and let’s Rollins have his briefcase.

And Rollins is just standing over this thing and is almost afraid to open it in public after Dean Ambrose implied there might some kinky and strange things in there. Instead, Rollins opens the case and is hit with a slime bomb as if he screwed up in a Double Dare game on Nickelodoen. Here I am, damn near 30, laughing my ass off like I’m 12 years old at a grown man covered in slime and another grown man with the goofiest smile on his face for pulling off a kid’s prank.

The briefcase gag didn’t stop there either. In the next segment, the Authority hears a strange vibrating noise. Everyone checks their phones, but no one’s ringing. All eyes go to the briefcase and you can immediately see all the wheels turning in their heads with “oh dear God, what did Dean Ambrose find in that thing?” and everyone is just deathly afraid to check the case. An angry Seth enters, chastises them all for having their minds in the gutter, and says it’s just an electric razor.

Again, I’m dying of DX-styled humor. The setup for the joke couldn’t have been more perfect. It’s like those veiled adult jokes in kid’s movies aimed at the parents they know that are stuck in the audience. All of a sudden, you’re laughing harder than the child sitting next to you and they just aren’t quite sure why you think the joke is that great. Even better, you don’t have to explain the joke to the child. To them, they think it’s slightly funny that Seth had an electric razor buzzing in his case and the Authority was just confused as to what it was, but to you, your dirty adult mind thought there was a vibrating sex toy in there and you just can’t stop laughing at that thought.

“Why was that so funny, dad?”

“Eh, you’ll understand when you’re older.”

/kid remains convinced his dad’s insane until he’s an adult and totally understands

The WWE can give us tastes of the Attitude Era in this PG world. Right now, Dean Ambrose is the embodiment of that once thought to be impossible goal and he can do it with his eyes closed. Dean Ambrose is simply must-see TV just like DX was.