WWE RAW Report (October 6, 2014): The Rock returns, but Dean Ambrose is the star

Death. Taxes. Cheap, thunderous pops for The Rock. These are the certainties of life that extend to the WWE Universe.

Seeing The Rock these days is a strange thing for me. As a teenager, I thought he was better than Steve Austin. He made me laugh, kept me glued to the TV–electrified me, if you will. However, I was young and had no awareness of what kind of boundaries the Attitude Era, as well as The Rock, were pushing, especially in regards to how woman were portrayed and treated.

But I grew up. Many of us have. We know better now. Sadly, the thunderous cheers every time The Rock speaks means his misogynistic shtick won’t be going anywhere, which is really a shame because The Rock has so much talent on the mic that he doesn’t need the crutch of finding five different ways to call a woman a slut.

I understand that it isn’t worth dumping loads of internet ink on The Rock’s terrible antics because of the certainty of death and taxes. The WWE is more than willing to take a gambit of being criticized for having Rocky call Lana a “Russian Street Walker” right before they air a commercial to fight breast cancer because they know that he will bring in the casual viewer that longs for the Attitude Era and he’ll create a trending topic on Twitter which brings even more eyes in. They do this all in hopes that those people will stick around to see their biggest star and the current manifestation of the Attitude Era, Dean Ambrose.

While I desperately wish that the WWE would stop going down that path, I do hope that these people notice Dean Ambrose because he is Degeneration X, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and Mick Foley rolled up into one unstable ball of awesome. Make no mistake, the WWE is all-in on Ambrose to be the man that sells Hell in a Cell. Just take a look at who is the prominent superstar in the ad for the PPV:

Even though the WWE sees the big picture and has Dean squarely in focus in its center, the surrounding elements remain scattered. Ever since Night of Champions went off the air, the WWE has taken their time to figure out the best way to start pushing a completely different plan for Hell in a Cell than the WWE Universe is used to, one that doesn’t include their champion.

So Dean had the following going against him before this RAW aired:

Rumors that Brock Lesnar will not be at Hell in a Cell
Rumors that the main program for Hell in a Cell would be Cena vs. Ambrose with winner taking on Rollins
Original main event for RAW, Big Show vs. Rusev, cancelled
Kathy Lee and Hoda are going to guest star (and shill their own wine instead of promoting cancer awareness, but whatever)

To put it another way, Dean had to sell Hell in a Cell like Daniel Bryan had to sell Wrestlemania. The thought of Cena getting booked in a main event qualifier and stealing Dean’s thunder is just as terrifying as the thought that HHH would book himself to go over on Bryan and winning the title just to spite everyone. So Dean has to not just sell and carry two different storylines, but make it believable that he is Cena’s equal. Further, he needs to make the audience fall in love with him so hard that the WWE wouldn’t even dare think about reaching for the “lolCenaWins” security blanket.

So how does Ambrose do this? He helps open RAW by magically appearing in the crowd behind a fleeing Seth Rollins, proceeded to do his thing and got a piece of Cena in the ensuing melee. He calls out John Cena to get everything out in the open so it’s incredibly clear that they don’t like each other. Then, Dean just says “to hell with this show” that is featuring a bunch of repeat matches and the same old stupid, stale John Cena. He heads off to Coney Island for a hot dog and is actually filmed boarding a train while wearing sunglasses at night, a segment that was infinitely more hilarious than two women breaking wine bottles over their rears in some weird attempt to “go crazy” and fit in with the WWE.

In fact, as RAW rolled on towards the main event, I was getting so incredibly sad about the show, that I said this on Twitter:

If Dean Ambrose comes back to interfere in this match by throwing hot dogs at everyone, I'll forgive the entire episode of RAW
— Ryan Ritter (Gamin' 4 Aven) (@ndtex) October 7, 2014

Sure enough, out comes Dean Ambrose with a freaking hot dog cart while wearing a belt that allowed him to holster condiments so he could use them as weapons. The hot dog cart served as a call-back to all those times that Stone Cold Steve Austin came barreling into an arena on a beer truck, Zamboni, or monster truck, but those over-the-top things just aren’t Dean’s style. No, the man loves his hot dogs (established last week), so he decided to go get one and then bring an entire cart to the arena and assault everyone with it.

This entire scene leaves me with a load of questions since the WWE failed to capture TV gold and send a camera with him to chronicle is Coney Island adventure:

Did he spend time arguing with patrons on whether or not a hot dog is a sandwich?
Actually, Dean started this argument with the hot dog vendor, didn’t he?
Did the ensuing argument lead Dean to beat up the vendor?
While the vendor was unconscious, did Dean just look at the cart and was all, “hey that’s mine now!”?
Did he have a Dean Ambrose clearance sale on hot dogs for a brief period of time?
Where people too afraid of him to partake?
Did this make Dean sad?
When Dean decided to return to the arena, did he board the train with a hot dog cart?
Did he have to bribe a security guard with hot dogs to pull this off or was everyone just like “whatever, it’s New York”?
Just how many hot dogs did he eat during this whole adventure?

I wish that these questions had answers, but I’m also happy that I can create this separate world in which Dean Ambrose interacts with normal humans as kayfabe Dean Ambrose and the world just can’t handle it.

Anyways, the point is that Dean Ambrose created one of those “RAW moments” last night just as he did last week. Just as I will forever have a lasting image of Stone Cold drenching the Corporation with beer, I will always remember Ambrose using hot dog tongs as a weapon on Seth Rollins’ junk and staging a wild west duel and drawing down with bottles of mustard and ketchup.

As if that all wasn’t enough, when HHH came out and made the rumored Hell in Cell matches that everyone feared, Dean, without hesitation, blindsided Cena with Dirty Deeds like he was Stone Cold handing out Stunners to close out the show.

All of a sudden, I’m completely sold on the PPV idea. Am I disappointed there won’t be a title match? Somewhat, although I don’t have to fear another Cena title reign anytime soon. Plus, there is no way that Dean is losing that qualifying match if the WWE has half a brain (I know, I just jinxed this). John Cena is just there as a gatekeeper for the more casual fans so they can see “hey, here’s this new guy and he’s pretty good and can beat the one guy you recognize as good” so he can continue his rise to the top.

Finally, if there are two people that I trust to put on a thrilling Hell in a Cell match in the PG-era, it’s Rollins and Ambrose. After all, those two were a part of the best Lumberjack Match that I have ever seen and those kind of matches are almost uniformly terrible.