Jun 10, 2014; Miami, FL, USA; Miami Heat forward LeBron James (6) shoots while being defended by San Antonio Spurs forward Tim Duncan (21) during the first half of game three of the 2014 NBA Finals at American Airlines Arena. Mandatory Credit: Bob Donnan-USA TODAY Sports
Body language is a tricky subject. We all understand that each culture interprets a person’s movements differently, but I’m not sure we entirely grasp that concept until you’re smack in the middle of a foreign country and have offended everyone around you with your morning wave. With NBA teams spread across the globe for preseason matchups, such losses in translation can be a big deal. And the Cleveland Cavaliers and Miami Heat have been warned against using certain version of the three-googles as a celebration after a made three-pointer while they’re in Brazil, because they might just be flipping someone the bird.
"Yes, in the United States, it’s a hand gesture players often use after they have just knocked down a 3-pointer. James Harden of the Houston Rockets makes it a priority following his deep balls as well as many others. It’s a comical, entertaining way of reminding the fans of who just buried that trey. It’s all in good fun. Well, around here, that gesture is not a form of entertainment. In fact, it’s the exact opposite. Holding up the “three-sign” or the “three-goggles” in a certain way while in Brazil could be mistaken for “f— you” or “f— off,” I was informed. The NBA sent the Cavs and Heat a memo with a list of questionable gestures that shouldn’t be used in Brazil, we’re told. The last thing anybody wants is for the stands to clear immediately after a player nails a 3-pointer."
The picture in the cleveland.com article is of LeBron doing a three-monocle, which is a more honest interpretation of the local body language: it’s the “OK” gesture that’s considered obscene, so a three-monocle is entirely coarse. It combines all the class of a monocle with the vulgarity of a commoner, using the juxtaposition to create a Large Hadron Collider of offensiveness.
The solution? No threes in Brazil. Every player has to go right to the rim every time he touches the ball; only dunks are allowed. Byron Scott would approve.