A Non-Comprehensive List of Things I Love About Aaron Brooks Calling Doug McDermott “Ray”


255Jul 5, 2014; Chicago, IL, USA; Chicago Bulls draft pick Doug McDermott in the dugout prior to a game between the Chicago White Sox and the Seattle Mariners at U.S Cellular Field. Mandatory Credit: Dennis Wierzbicki-USA TODAY Sports


And now, a non-comprehensive, randomly ordered list of things I love about this:

1) Doug McDermott is, at present, a more famous person than Aaron Brooks.  Shade cares not for your fame or cool nickname.

2) So ingrained is the NBA’s veteran-rookie dynamic that even in the machismo-soaked world of professional sports, a 6’0″, 161-pound person can openly bust the balls of a 6’8″, 225-pound person with nary a fear of retribution.  A victory for the short guys!

3) I am delighted beyond measure by the mental image of Tom Thibodeau telling Brooks to cut it out — like a Dad whose kids are fighting in the backseat during a road trip — before locking himself in his office and unleashing an uncontrollable avalanche of hoarse cackling.

4) The possibility that Brooks called Doug “Ray” because he’s thinking of Dougray Scott.  Like, maybe he’s really excited about the release of Tak3n and wanted to share that excitement with McDermott — who, he figured, must be DOUBLY excited given that he shares at least half of a first name with the primary villain — and McDermott just totally missed the reference and Brooks was like “well shit, that’s embarrassing” and played it off like a mistake.  And he was just trying to be nice and see if they shared a mutual interest!  He’s the real victim here.

5) I Googled “Ray McDermott” to see if it was possible that Brooks was confusing Doug McDermott with someone else.  I now suspect that Aaron Brooks was so inspired by his time in China that he is working toward a PhD in Anthropology at Stanford:

Pictured: Doug McDermott. Caption Credit: Aaron Brooks.

6) There are currently 17 Chicago Bulls.  I’m going to assume that Aaron Brooks knows who at least 9 of them are based on either their fame (Derrick Rose, Pau Gasol, Joakim Noah, Jimmy Butler), the fact that they have been around the NBA forever (Nazr Mohammed, Mike Dunleavy, Kirk Hinrich), the fact that he played against them four times when they were both in the PAC-10 (Taj Gibson), or the fact that he is them (Aaron Brooks).  That leaves 8 new people, at most, for Brooks to keep straight.  None of these people have the name “Ray”, including — relevantly — Doug McDermott, who has the name “Doug McDermott.”

7) The name “Dave” is kind of like the name “Doug.”  The name “Ray” is kind of like the name “Rob.”  The name “Ray” is nothing like the name “Doug.”  Calling someone “Ray” when their name is “Doug” is bizarrely specific and reveals a frankly impressive commitment on Brooks’ part to not knowing who the fuck Doug McDermott is.

8) Maybe there’s something bigger going on here.  Maybe Aaron Brooks went to the Ron Swanson school of co-worker relationship management:

He’s playing a long game and one that can lead to surprising team chemistry benefits down the road: