Hardwood Paroxysm: NBA Preseason Roundtable Over Everything
How many Kobe Bryants would it take for the Lakers to make the playoffs this season (assuming you were cloning the present-day version of himself)?
Wray: The answer really hinges on whether these cloned Kobes share the same hive-mind (i.e.: “Sweet, I am finally getting the 80 shots a game I deserve!”) or whether they are all independently sentient and thus jealous of one another (i.e.: “That bastard is taking 20 shots a game that should be mine!”). Some of the Kobes will also have their seasons ended prematurely with injury, so it has to be at least five or six.
McElroy: I actually think there would be very little value in having a second Kobe Bryant on the court at the same time as the original Kobe Bryant. His value at this point is as a volume scorer so the Kobe(s) playing off the ball on offense would have pretty limited impact and you’d just be doubling down on slow(ing) guards on the defensive end. Where multiple Kobes would have value is if you could have Kobe backing himself up. If you rolled 3 deep with Kobes, you could just put them 1-3 on your SG depth chart, give them 16 minutes a game each, and tell them to go their absolute hardest at all times. That Kobe rotation probably puts up some pretty absurd numbers. The concern then becomes whether the three Kobes think of themselves as one entity or as rivals who must engage in a Machiavellian game of season-long one-upsmanship to try to get more minutes. I think we can all agree on one thing: there would be lots of uncomfortable moments in the Lakers’ locker room in which the various Kobe clones looked one another’s physiques up and down, narrowed their eyes, underbit, and nodded approvingly.
Leroux: Saying three for every other team in the West seems too mean-spirited so I will say three more on the logic that the original and two clones can man the swingman rotation with Swaggy P while the other one serves as an injury replacement. Despite the ravages of father time, the Lakers’ depth would be improved by swapping out each of their non-Swaggs for more Mambas.
Clinchy: Ten. Five to play offense for the Lakers, and five to play defense for the other team. That would be a god-forsaken bloodbath.
Dubin: Depends. Is Byron Scott still coaching?
Maloney: 82. That way you could just run one Kobe into the ground every night and replace him with a fully healthy version the next game.
Dowsett: I don’t know, but if I was doing the cloning, I’d fill all but one of the roster spots with him and leave the last for Nick Young just for the pleasure of watching twelve different Kobes rip on a single Swaggy P.
Conlin: Three. One to screw in the lightbulb and two to bitch to Mitch Kupchak about his lack of touches.
Partnow: Kobe is like infinity in that he is immutable and unchangeable. Therefore your question is invalid.
McPherson: *removes sandals, places them on head, walks out*
Fenrich: Are you kidding me? If we could clone Kobe, the Lakers making the playoffs would be the least interesting of our topics. But it does raise some interesting questions: would the new Kobes have the same social security number as original Kobe? Where would they live? Would they be independently-minded or contain a group mind? Who would negotiate their contracts? I think we’d see more some of these new Kobes signing contracts with other teams in order to pursue rings. If a Kobe clone stayed with the Lakers, would he rename himself something like Cody Bryant? What if one of the Kobes coveted the OG Kobe’s family, his wife and kids? Would he try to poison real Kobe and take over his life? I could see original Kobe hypnotizing a cloned Kobe and have him do his bidding in order to increase his own productivity and make more money. Fake Kobe would appear in more commercials, make more appearances, do movie cameos and make real Kobe millions on top of the fortune he already has, but this gets into some kind of servitude/slavery which brings up more issues with what kind of rights are afforded to clones. This question is some crap.