Paul George and the art of the dog selfie

From Paul George’s Instagram.

Dogs do not understand selfies. The motion is confusing, the commands are conflicting (“Hey! Look! No, not at me, over here! Hey! *whistles* *snaps fingers* Over here!”), and if they follow everything correctly, they are rewarded by a blinding flash right in their eyes. Selfies are inherently selfish, but dog selfies are perhaps even more so. It’s okay. Your dog forgives you and is probably just happy to be the center of attention.

Here, have some evidence.

And let’s be honest: If you own a dog, you really want a great picture of the two of you. Your dog is your friend, and you can never have too many pictures of you and your friends. The easiest way is a sneak attack — we’ll call this the “Bae caught me slipping” selfie. If you let your dog up on your bed (and really, if you have a dog, why would you not let your dog up on your bed?), there’s a good chance the two of you will just be chilling together in a really cute way. From there, it’s easy: Wait until your big dopey buddy inevitably passes out, then grab your iPhone, throw it on mirror mode and snap away.

Paul George is great at dog selfies. This one is a low-key impressive picture, if only because Paul George has a pitbull (whose name, I believe, is King) and pitbulls have massive heads. I don’t know how long they were lying like that to get the dog to be that sleepy, but George’s head has been bearing some serious weight for a while. Solid, solid work, and what a good doggy.

If you are really fishing for Instagram likes, though, the best kind of dog selfie is the arm-around-the-back picture, and those can be really hard. They require an alert dog giving a split second of its attention to just the right place, without any movement to throw off the camera. That’s hard enough to pull off, but while you are restraining your dog, you also need to make it look like you are acting totally normal. Just two buds, hanging out like we always do.

Once again, the fact that King is a pitbull really works in George’s favor here. All those muscles and the big, broad head make him an ideal arm-around-the-back picture companion. What’s more, you can tell that George took this himself since he’s halfway cutoff. George probably has 8-10 very similar pictures to this one on his phone, but in the other seven, King is looking straight up at a fly on the wall or something. That won’t do. It’s imperative when taking a dog selfie that the dog looks great. You don’t matter at all — you’re never going to be cuter than your dog. Finally, the video.

Three reasons why this is a great dog Instagram video: First, King is thrilled to death and so very down to play. Happy pitbulls have fantastic smiles. Second, George casually does a couple of cool things with the ball, including a crossover and a very gentle smack to the side of King’s head. Third, George doesn’t get punched in the balls. Do you know how easy it is to get punch in the balls by your dog when you are crossing over? I do. My dog is roughly the same size as George’s, and at that height, when they jump up on you, those paws are headed to one place only, and it doesn’t feel good. So. Good on George for avoiding that.

Paul George has had a rough year so far, but I’m glad he has King. When you are sick or injured, there’s nothing quite as comforting as having a dog around to sleep all day and be bored with you. King doesn’t care if the Pacers struggle. He’s just happy George is around to hang out on the couch with him and cross him over.

What a good doggy.

Follow Tom on Twitter: @Tom_NBA.