Trick or Treat: Which NBA Players are like Halloween candy?

This week saw the return of two of the Hardwood Paroxysm crew’s favorite things: the NBA regular season, and bucketfuls of Halloween candy. Naturally, this nutty group couldn’t help but melt these two ideas together into one, giant, sweet mess. You can either consume this post all at once, or you can devour it slowly over a little while. Either way, you’re gonna crash afterwards. And please, don’t rat us out to your dentist.

Rajon Rondo is Whoppers

By Evans Clinchy (@evansclinchy)

Some Halloween candies are tasty in obvious, flashy ways. You bite into them and the flavor comes bursting out. You don’t have to search to find the beauty in a Reese’s cup or Twix bar or 3 Musketeers – the peanut butter or caramel or nougat, respectively, comes right at you and can’t be denied. Other treats are more subtle.

Rajon Rondo is a subtle treat. He can’t shoot a basketball into a basketball hoop, which is the primary skill that people expect to find in a basketball player, but he’s gifted in other sublime ways that true fans can appreciate. His competitiveness, creativity and brilliant court vision make him a special player that can guide a team to great heights.

Likewise, a Whopper has the potential to be the tastiest goodie in any trick or treater’s haul. It just requires some effort to truly appreciate it. The malt ball is an acquired taste. It’s dry and milky rather than overtly sweet, and the rocky texture takes some getting used to. The Whopper isn’t a bad candy – in fact it’s a great one, only its greatness lives beneath the surface.

Rondo and Whoppers are both amazing, but they both remain misunderstood. Detractors will say what they’ll say, but an incisive and questioning mind can uncover the truth.