WWE RAW Report (January 12, 2015): Where is this road going?

The Royal Rumble is less than two weeks away, meaning the Road to Wrestlemania will kick off in just two more episodes of Monday Night RAW. At this point last year, that path seemed much clearer. You could easily single out which stars would be involved in the WWE’s biggest PPV, even if it wasn’t clear at the time what their matches would be. Current programs were wrapping up so the new Wrestlemania programs could begin.

You could see where that road was going. This year, it’s almost impossible to even see where that road begins. For a company that has made a living on uncertainty, this could potentially be a good thing. Unlike last couple of years, no one really knows who will get the nod for the Royal Rumble victory. Further, superstars that previously seemed like a no-doubt potential Rumble winner or penciled-in on the Wrestlemania card appear to be in limbo.

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Roman Reigns, the company’s next big thing, has gone from everyone’s favorite badass whose poor mic skills were protected to another guy stuck in a strange, nonsensical feud with the Big Show that is telling modified fairy tales. I understand the WWE likely has a goal of marketing Reigns to kids, but I remember being a young wrestling fan myself and being drawn to a wrestler like Sting who didn’t say a single word for over a year. It’s almost as if the WWE feels the need to dumb things down.

Dean Ambrose fell victim to this as well. Previously, he embodied all the best parts of the unpredictable nature of the Attitude Era. In this episode, the WWE took the “crazy guy” and sat him with a shrink in an odd comedic segment that ended with Dean playing doctor for the sobbing psychiatrist, bringing back memories of terrible comedic skits that littered that same era for no reason. As if that wasn’t enough, Dean drew from the worst parts of the Attitude Era by taking Jim Duggan’s trademark battlecry into a sophomoric, sexist joke aimed at Stephanie McMahon.

Dammit, Dean, NO! Photo credit: WWE

This is the same guy that brought a hot dog cart out to the arena as a weapon. He’s the same guy that slimed Seth Rollins after implying very subtlety implying his briefcase contained vibrating sex toys. I’m not kidding about the subtlety too, the two played it so well that a kid could watch the episode and think everyone was joking about Seth’s electric razor while all the adults in the audience are doing the wink-wink-nudge-nudge while snickering bit. There was no subtly to this sexual humor, nor was it anywhere close to the goofy hijinx of the hot dog cart bit. It was simply a tasteless joke memorized off a script in hops for a cheap, bottom-of-the-barrel pop, one that even Daniel Bryan stooped down to get.

But as soon as the scripts are gone? Out comes Ambrose to fight Rusev like the entire psychiatrist skit was a bad dream. The Dean Ambrose we loved was back doing his thing without terrible WWE writing holding him back.

Even WWE golden-boy, John Cena, feel into the abyss that is whatever you call the WWE writing these days. In his case, it was the logical gap in his empty threat of protesting the firing of Dolph Ziggler, Ryback, and Erick Rowan by winning the WWE World Heavyweight Championship and then staying at home. Because, you know, the WWE doesn’t currently have a champion that’s been doing just that for months. Not to mention, Stephanie McMahon completely shot holes in how dumb it was for the biggest babyface hero to basically quit because he was mad about something.

Hell, even Paul Heyman, probably the best mic worker that the WWE has right now, has been forced to do the same promo for almost a year now. It’s only been slightly modified since last Wrestlemania. It started with Brock breaking the streak and the constant reminders of that victory. That only changed once Summerslam came around and then Cena was added to the list of Brock’s conquests. Ever since then, Heyman has basically been a reminder that Brock Lesnar exists and did some pretty cool things in 2014 and should be feared.

You’ve heard this promo before–for months. Photo credit: WWE

Simply put, the writing has bombed. You can see the superstars doing what they can with what they are given, but it doesn’t always translate. The same goes for the booking of matches which has been all kinds of a mess for some time now. Same song, second verse. Watching this talented roster float around in limbo grows more frustrating by the week.

Five Takeaways from the Night

1) So Ziggler, Rowan, and Ryback all got “fired” to preserve Wrestlemania programs, didn’t they?

I thought for sure Cena would have another episode of overcoming all odds to get this trio their jobs back, especially considering how over Ziggler has gotten and the big boost Ryback got after his return and his awesome promo a couple weeks ago. With Cena’s loss and those three remaining fired, it seems clear that creative saw them and said “we have nothing for you until Wrestlemania, so uh…take a couple weeks off!”

Rowan vs. Luke Harper and Ryback vs. Rusev seem like givens at this point. Ziggler will certainly have some large role in the card, even if it isn’t quite clear what that is right now. However, it is just strange that a decision was made to keep them off TV instead of mixing it up and being hosed by The Authority and their allies in the Royal Rumble. But hey, here we are and I won’t be surprised if the big hook to WWE Fast Line is getting those guys their jobs back.

I’m still not watching. Photo credit: WWE

2) The biggest heel move of the night: forcing Daniel Bryan to have his return to the ring on Smackdown!

And if that wasn’t enough, they have him going against Kane again. I can think of no two ways to kill my excitement for Bryan’s return to the ring than a pairing of a show I don’t normally watch with a match I really have no interest in seeing again.

But remember, Vince doesn’t do wrestling for wrestling sake. Trying to find a way to promote your taped show that debuts on a new night is totally different.

Surprisingly, there’s a lot going on here. Photo credit: WWE

3) Total Divas may just have the longest running, consistent story in the entire WWE.

I don’t even watch Total Divas; however, I’m always reminded of multiple things related to the show during every divas match. For Paige taking on Brie Bella, you had Natalya and Tyson Kidd at ringside because Natalya and Paige are BFFs now because of a pot brownie prank. After Tyson costs Paige the match, Paige gives Kidd a glorious slap across the face, which brings some joy to Natalya. Why? Those two have always had rocky relationship issues on the show and Tyson’s had some strange sexual tension with Nikki Bella on RAW.

Look at all these different character motivations continuously working and staying consistent week in and week out. And it’s because of a “reality” show that isn’t even taped anywhere remotely close to when these live events are going down yet somehow the WWE manages to act like both timelines are going on concurrently.

Yet this is the same company that has John Cena forget Brock Lesnar is a thing and threatens to stay at home with the title. Good grief.

4) So are The Ascension just gearing up for a Heath Slater-like run against legendary teams?

Because if not, I have no idea what the WWE is doing with them right now. This is yet another week in which they’ve said they are better than other tag teams they’ve drawn comparisons to and then they go dispatch random local talent jobber.

Forget the endgame with these guys, what’s the opening move here? Are they supposed to draw heat by referencing tag teams from the 90’s that over half the crowd likely doesn’t remember or even care about anymore? Or is this a long setup to some kind of strange legends match that they lose.

None of those options make sense. Dear NXT talent, stay there forever. Just ask Bo Dallas.

5) Seth, you fool, cash in your briefcase!

Seth Rollins ended the show by laying out both John Cena and Brock Lesnar. Not only that, he had The Authority and J&J Security by his side as backup. Why aren’t you at least teasing a cash in?! Just maddening.

To end this report on a positive note (because this is over a thousand words of miserable), I must say, Seth Rollins has really come into his own. His promo during the contract signing was solid. He looked liked he belonged when staring down Lesnar and he’s been the most consistent jerk on the show next to HHH & Stephanie McMahon. It’s felt like ages since somebody really embodied the spirit of a heel beyond “guy that beats people up and beats them clean” (see: Brock and Rusev). Seth’s a damn snake, he has cronies to do his dirty work, and he stopped at nothing to his buddies back in power, not because he cared, but because he knew it would benefit him.

This roster could use some more Seth Rollins-types on it. The Miz might be the only one that’s going in a similar direction with their heel character and it feels like a gigantic void right now.

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