Home Run Derby Drinking Game: Time to kick 'em back back back

Stretch your liver, because it’s time for the 2015 Home Run Derby Drinking Game.

The Home Run Derby is tonight and, from the look of its new rules, figures to be confusing as hell. There are timed rounds, timeouts and even math!

"Hitting at least two homers that equal or exceed 420 feet (as calculated by MLB.com’s revolutionary Statcast™ technology), earning one minute of bonus time"

What more could you want from the simplest concept in the world – eight dudes slanging big wood at the plate and cracking moonshots – than “Statcast technology?!

Next: 7 Rule Changes MLB Should Make For HR Derby

About the only thing easy to understand about the new rules is the bracket system.

Maybe all isn’t lost.

But I digress. This isn’t an article about how MLB alienates key demographics by seemingly making itself more complicated each calendar year. It’s is a post about drinking. And it’s a post about beer. In fact, this is a post about drinking a lot of beer in one sitting.

When the world gets too intricate, sometimes it’s best to just crush some brews, escape reality and really boil things down to the nuts and bolts. And what better way to get back to Home Run Derby basics than with a drinking game. Let’s get to it, and remember: stay focused; stay hydrated.

Beer

Anything with a red, white and blue color scheme since this shindig is going down at The Great American Ballpark. I’ll be repping Bud Heavy in the early, and PBR once we’re flowing.

Padding

Tombstone pizzas. One for before; one for after. They set a solid base, are pretty cheap, and are easy to bake, cool, eat and clean up during the plodding Derby. Besides, what’s more American than home runs, beer and Tombstone?

Brackets

Pick a player at the beginning of each round. If he wins his heads-up competition, you give out a shot. If he loses, you do a 10-spin dizzy bat and then chug a beer.

Players are reshuffled at the beginning of each round (i.e. you may have Pujols in Round 1, but not Round 2). All HR Derby contestants must be selected in each round.

Mandatory Drinking Rules

Players must drink for every at-bat (even if your guy isn’t up to bat, you’re still drinking)

One drink for every home run
One drink every time a player steps up to bat with a towel
One drink every time a player walks up with a sports drink
One drink every time a kid falls in the outfield
Five drinks every time there is a guest in the booth
Ten drinks every time a graphic explaining the new rules pops up onscreen
Waterfall every time Chris Berman throws out a “back-back-back-back …”

Ironclad Challenge (Optional)

Have drink amount correspond the number of home runs each player is on. For example: One drink on Todd Frazier’s first dinger, two drinks at his second, three on his third, etc. Then one drink on Prince Fielder’s first, two at his second … 10 on his tenth.

Physical Challenge

Pete Rose-Ray Fosse Pt. II. Flip a coin, and winner chooses Rose or Fosse. Line up apart from each other (ideally 90 feet) and Rose charges. First contestant to hit the turf loses. Loser buys beers next time out and must refer to victor as “Legend Killer.”

Hangover Cure

One cup coffee, one tall glass of fresh squeezed orange juice, 32 oz. lemon-lime Gatorade and a bowl of Skyline Chili.

Tuesday Morning Work/School Excuse

“I was at a family cookout on Sunday and had some grilled chicken. It must’ve been undercooked, because I can barely move. They say food poisoning can take 36 hours to kick in …”

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Home Run Derby Drinking Game: Time to kick ’em back, back, back …

By Jonathan Bass | Jul 13, 2015