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Hardwood Paroxysm Presents: NBA player vacation destinations

By HP Basketball Network

Apr 24, 2015; Dallas, TX, USA; Dallas Mavericks center Amar
Apr 24, 2015; Dallas, TX, USA; Dallas Mavericks center Amar /
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May 10, 2015; Chicago, IL, USA; Cleveland Cavaliers forward LeBron James (23) reacts to being called for a foul against Chicago Bulls forward Mike Dunleavy (34) in the second half of game four of the second round of the NBA Playoffs at the United Center. Cleveland won 86-84. Mandatory Credit: Dennis Wierzbicki-USA TODAY Sports
May 10, 2015; Chicago, IL, USA; Cleveland Cavaliers forward LeBron James (23) reacts to being called for a foul against Chicago Bulls forward Mike Dunleavy (34) in the second half of game four of the second round of the NBA Playoffs at the United Center. Cleveland won 86-84. Mandatory Credit: Dennis Wierzbicki-USA TODAY Sports /

4. Mike Dunleavy, Jr. Should go to Hell, Where He’s From

By: Corbin Smith (@corbinasmith) – BISCASTBALL

Mike Dunleavy, who played for Duke, which carries a perverse demon as its symbol, should go to hell, because he was born there. It is where he was taught to injure people and have an unnerving presence. He has been alive since 1500, his physical form dying and rebirthing in a new human body. He shot Archduke Ferdinand on the order of The Black Hand. He should go on vacation in hell and never return.

{Ed. note: This would certainly be somewhere warm!}

Jun 25, 2015; Brooklyn, NY, USA; Kristaps Porzingis is escorted onto the stage with NBA commissioner Adam Silver after being selected as the number four overall pick to the New York Knicks in the first round of the 2015 NBA Draft at Barclays Center. Mandatory Credit: Brad Penner-USA TODAY Sports
Jun 25, 2015; Brooklyn, NY, USA; Kristaps Porzingis is escorted onto the stage with NBA commissioner Adam Silver after being selected as the number four overall pick to the New York Knicks in the first round of the 2015 NBA Draft at Barclays Center. Mandatory Credit: Brad Penner-USA TODAY Sports /

3. Kristaps Porzingis should go to the Jersey Shore

By Myles Ma (@mylesmanj)

Obviously, K-taps needs to bulk up. There’s a reason “Gym” comes first in GTL. If he doesn’t feel enough pressure from Knicks fans, the withering looks of tank-top wearing meatheads sipping their protein shakes on the boardwalk (as well as ready access to performance-enhancing drugs) will provide all the motivation he needs.

A few nights at the shore will also build his endurance. I’ve been to one bachelor party in my life. It was in Atlantic City, and we drank for what felt like 12 hours straight. By the time morning came, I was achy, dehydrated and hated women. I’ve been sick ever since. It’s been about two years. If Kristaps can deaden his soul as much as I have, he’ll have no trouble facing down the rabid New York City media.

Next: 2. Dwyane Wade and Nick Young should go on a couples retreat

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