Hardwood Paroxysm Presents: NBA player vacation destinations

Dwyane Wade and Nick Young should go on a couples retreat

By Wes Goldberg — Hardwood Paroxysm/Friendly Bounce

There are two preeminent NBA-Dating-Celeb couples in the NBA–Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union, and Nick Young and Iggy Azalea. But here’s the thing, while Wade and Union are moguling about fashion shows and wine announcements, Swaggy is trying on shoes and Iggy is riding shotgun, singing along with a chubby former theatre actor. On a spectrum, Wade and Union are closer to Jay Z and Beyonce, while “Swiggy” is closer to high schoolers making out at the mall.

That’s why a couples retreat between the two would be comedy freaking gold! The first meal of the weekend would take place at a fancy restaurant. Swiggy want to go because they want to be fancy. The Wades go because their palates have evolved to a point where anything less would taste like gasoline. Maybe the couples go tubing in a river. 15 minutes into the relaxing ride, Swiggy are complaining that they are bored while the Wades talk about the latest shenanigans of the kids or casually discuss the latest Hollywood gossip.

Eventually, seeing how mature and royal the Wades are, Swiggy asks them for advice. “How do we escape from being the butt of the joke? How can we be so effortlessly cool?” they ask. “Time, success, and stop calling yourself Swaggy,” Wade says.

Next: 1. Gregg Popovich Visits The Old World