Cover your eyes, kids, because today we are taking a look at the ugliest uniforms in NFL history.
I am not ashamed to admit that one of my earliest memories of being an NFL fan was deciding to root for the Dallas Cowboys because blue was my favorite color. Times were simpler back then, thought processes less intricate. Nowadays selecting the bandwagon I want to join is tiring, convoluted work. I have to stay abreast of players’ personal beliefs and off-field conduct to ensure that my new favorite team, whichever one I am backing for the upcoming season, is not a gaggle of sociopathic cavemen who sweat problematicness — a word I just coined — from every pore. The research involved is far more exhausting than picking a team based on pretty colors, let me tell you.
That said, uniform designs still matter to me when it comes to my enjoyment of NFL football, because I am a grouchy person with no fashion sense who likes to prop up my own ego by tearing down others. And boy have there ever been some ugly uniforms in the NFL’s storied history *looks in mirror and smiles at the way my boot-cut jeans hang over the running shoes I wear with every outfit*.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, sure, but I think we can all agree that these uniforms fall somewhere between “sartorial missteps” and “oh my god my pupils are in agony, please make it stop.” Or perhaps we don’t all agree. That’s OK! Post your submissions in the comments below, and let’s start the (slide) show.
(That’ll be the only rhyme, I promise.)
Next: 10. Detroit on Turkey Day