Hot coffee, cold takes: A.M. headlines for Monday, 8/31
Running down some of the headlines you may have missed while engaging in real-world activities.
It’s the last day of August, which means a few things. Rent is due tomorrow – so are the power, cable and gas bills. Summer is officially over (sure, Labor Day usually marks the end, but there’s no summer in September). And the sports and entertainment landscapes are about to heat up. Shows will be returning for their fall runs, the U.S. Open is starting, football is on the horizon, baseball is hitting a meaningful point in the season, and in two months we’ll have all four major North American sports in action.
We made it, ma. Here are the headlines.
Jake Arrieta throws a no-no
Story: Jake Arrieta tossed a no-hitter for the Chicago Cubs on Sunday night. At 29, the right-hander is starting to peak career-wise, as well as at the perfect point in the season, and could certainly sneak in a nab the N.L. Cy Young. He gave up only two runs in the month of August, is 8-1 in his last 10 starts (the team is 9-1), and hasn’t allowed more than five hits in a contest since July 25.
Cold Take: I went and saw the Cubs a couple of weeks ago when they played my lowly Atlanta Braves at Wrigley. Arrieta was on the mound and basically showed Atlanta what a big league team actually looks like. If they get past the play-in game (er, Wildcard Game) and reach an actual series, the Cubbies will make some noise. They have the right blend of weirdos to blow right through any postseason nerves/curse talk. More and more they resemble the 2004 Idiots.
That poop emoji necklace, tho …
Wes Craven dies
Story: Wes Craven passed away at age 76. The horror master gave generations nightmares with franchises such as Nightmare on Elm Street and Scream. He also wrote and directed such classics as Last House on the Left, The Hills Have Eyes, and this writer’s personal favorite Swamp Thing.
Cold Take: Sad day for the Craven family and cinephiles in general. Freddy Krueger is legitimately one of the scariest characters ever created: a child molesting, kid killing burn victim with razor blade talons. Yeesh. Hopefully we get a monster funeral with all of Craven’s scary creations in one spot to give the world one final spook.
John Daly had a weekend
Story: John Daly was rushed to the hospital, treated for a collapsed lung, and returned to golfing in a tournament all within one 24-hour span.
Cold Take: Peak Daly right here. Just check out this excerpt from Golf.com.
"But Daly was back at Deerfield on Sunday, smoking cigarettes on the clubhouse patio while mingling with some of the other players before his round."
Take your collapsed lung and shove it where the sun don’t shine. Give me that pack of Parliaments and hand me my 7-iron. John Daly is the real-life Roy McAvoy with a sprinkling of the Keith Richards immortality gene. If we don’t see him spontaneously combusting on the 18th hole of the U.S. Open in the next five years, then cinema has taught us nothing.
Redskins having trade talks regarding RGIII?
Story: Apparently there is some dissension in the Washington Redskins organization on whether to trade franchise quarterback RGIII. The team has reportedly dangled Griffin to several NFL teams, but found no suitors.
Cold Take: As long as Daniel Snyder still has a pulse, and RGIII can still toss a five-yard out he ain’t leaving Washington. While working at B. Dalton and then being a (rich) nerd leasing jets to cool kids to use for Spring Break, Snyder dreamed of becoming one of those hip cats. He bought a team, has a fun, young franchise quarterback with whom he can go bowling and impress all his friends. He ain’t giving up on his bestie. You’ll see the “Redskins” name change before Snyder sends Griff packing.
Kanye West takes the throne at the VMAs
Story: Kanye West accepted the Video Vanguard Award at the VMAs and gave a wide-ranging speech.
Cold Take: Love me some Kanye, and this was peak Ye. Sometimes poignant, sometimes so ridiculously self-unaware that who knows where his brain is. The part about dying so that other artists can have a voice when famous was laugh-out-loud funny. And I’m sure Neil Young, the ghost of John Lennon, Joan Baez, Public Enemy, Bob Dylan, Talib Kweli, et al. were also chuckling about this artist who has finally allowed others to have an opinion on social agendas.
In other news: when did this award start going to people who’ve been in the game for less than 20 years. Kanye is still on the backend of his prime.
More from Chicago Cubs
- MLB Rumors: Cardinals budging on Arenado, Orioles-Ohtani package, Yankees backup plan
- Cubs: Cody Bellinger is putting up come-and-get-me numbers
- Cubs front office deserves an apology for Willson Contreras hysteria
- MLB standings ordered by hard hit rate: Struggling Cardinals still cracking bats
- MLB Rumors: Red Sox-Ohtani package, Cubs trade dilemma, Phillies-Mets trade