The Weekside: Missing Darryl Dawkins

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Double Dribbles

We are still more than 50 days away from the NBA season starting and there is almost a month before we even have our first Diet Coke version of hoops that is preseason basketball. The summer has been a long slog, and we need it to be over. Baseball is boring and the NFL feels grosser to watch each year. What is a sports fan to do?

Fortunately, international soccer leagues have been up and running for a little while now, adding some much-needed sports thrills to our weekends. Unfortunately, they are taking an “international break” this weekend so there will be no club games on Saturday or Sunday — this coming just two weeks after my preferred Spanish La Liga division kicked off.

It looks like it will be sad naps for us all.

For those few who don’t care for the sport yet are still reading this for some reason, I offer a mashup discussion of the two worlds to help us get through what will be a miserable, sports-less weekend and help shed some light on which international footballers you should care about.

No, these comparisons are not perfect, but basketball and soccer share elements of creativity that few other games do. So here is a bit of info about what to expect when you watch from some NBA doppelgangers on the other side of the Atlantic.

LeBron James / Lionel Messi

The first is the easiest. While the Argentine tiny magician and the Akron Large Hadron Collider with legs have nothing in common physically, each’s feel for the game and creativity with the ball are unrivaled. Nobody — ever — has been able to do the things Messi can with his feet to set up teammates while also scoring at a down-right obnoxious rate, while LeBron’s best-in-league passing combined with the way he took over the Finals showed us that he might be better than ever at 30 years old. There is nothing in either sport that comes close to watching these two perform at their peak.

Kevin Durant / Cristiano Ronaldo

Points. Goals. Scoring Unstoppable. Points. Scoring. Confidence. Points. Points.

Stephen Curry / Eden Hazard

Steph and Eden do it all: scoring, facilitating and changing the dimension of the game just by being out there. Both have a unique approach, seeing things few other can. Neither oozes the same overwhelming vibes feats and long-term history of wonder as the players regarded as the world’s top two — but each has improbably risen to become arguably the third best over the past 12 months.

Anthony Davis / Manuel Neuer

Perfect to the point that they seem factory-made to do what they d0, and each defies comparison to other players. That’s mainly because Manuel Neuer is a goalkeeper, and Anthony Davis is from the future.

Russell Westbrook / Sergio Aguero

Speed kills, talent destroys. There may not be anyone with the blend of physical gifts and dexterity in either sport. Russell Westbrook can get from basket to basket in a single bound and cannot be stopped when he has a head of steam. Kun Aguero on a downhill run is just as formidable and is able to stop on a dime to lose any defender and put the ball in the net with grace from long range or power that astounds. Just get out of the way before you get embarrassed. You’re not built like this.

Kobe Bryant / Radamal Falcao

Scoring god who you now just hope can stay in the game.

Andrew Wiggins / Memphis Depay

They’ve got next. It took less than a few months for the NBA world to fully realize that Andrew Wiggins will be a star. While the Cleveland Cavaliers did make the Finals last year, they will be kicking themselves for the next decade for letting the former number-one pick get away as the Timberwolves keep smiling at their unlikely acquisition. Manchester United, while still struggling, will likely be feeling the same about Memphis Depay, who scored two incredible goals in his first Champions League matchup.

Raheem Sterling / Damian Lillard

Almost there — but not quite and probably someday soon.

Demarcus Cousins / Luis Suarez

Each is an absolute bulldog and the most unstoppable man in their respective fields near the goal. If you don’t double team DeMarcus Cousins and he catches the ball deep in the paint, say good night. If Luis Suarez finds an inch of space in the box, the opposition may as well not even have a goalie. Yet, each is equally known for their mercurial, problematic nature, and this demerit is the only thing that prevents people from recognizing them as, unquestionably and without personal reservations, the best in the world at what they do.

Dwyane Wade / Wayne Rooney

The best is in the rearview but they still produce occasional brilliance and are the focal point of their squad (although Wayne is more like Wade’s former teammate in terms of haircut).

Rudy Gobert / Paul Pogba

Two physical freaks who seem as likely to absolutely dominate the next decade of their sports as to never quite live up to their full potential. Both will undoubtedly make their mark — and Pogba already has — but each remains on the cusp of greatness. More than anything, both players just look different on the court or pitch. Even among world-class athletes, they have a way of moving that stands out and an understanding of space that blows the mind. People of their size should not be doing what they do with in the way that they do it.

Tim Duncan / Gianluigi Buffon

One thousand years old, still doing it better than almost all their peers, and could probably keep thriving for another decade.

James Harden / Neymar, Jr.

Haters gonna hate. Both the bearded wonder and the 18-pound Brazilian fall down a lot and behave in ways during the game that annoy a lot of onlookers. James Harden is infinitely mockable and Neymar has had many detractors even among his hometown Barcelona supporters and Brazilian countrymen. But both put the ball in the net — all the damn time. You can make fun of their beard or haircuts. You can joke about their awful clothing choices. You can say they play in a way nobody wants to watch. You cannot argue with the production, however.

Paul Pierce / Didier Drogba

Legends never die — even when they switch jerseys and go play for clubs look like minor league clubs compared to the squads they crafted their legacy with.

Dwight Howard / Gareth Bale

Once viewed as a top five player in the world, each has backslide significantly in terms of perception. Fans in Los Angeles will only remember the man once called Superman as a soft, broken-down waste of money and Real Madrid supporters have soured on Gareth Bale to the point that many thought he shouldn’t have even been in the starting 11 late last season. Perception is just that, however, and each is still world-class, as Howard showed last year in the playoffs and the Welsh goal scorer is starting to re-show again early this season in Spain.

Mario Balotelli / Metta World Peace

Extremely talented and mostly harmless, but you probably don’t want them around. It’s probably best for everyone if they’re working in Italy or China or Turkey or … somewhere else.

Kawhi Leonard / James Rodriguez

Kawhi is a defensive menace and James is a graceful precision passer who only scores beautiful goals. James dances salsa to celebrate goals whereas Kawhi has yet to speak or have a facial expression. But they have some subtle similarities. Leonard hit the spotlight with an unlikely Finals MVP performance in 2014 and James rose from obscurity a few weeks later in the 2014 World Cup. Yet, each still flies a bit under the radar to a degree that they are among the few players nobody who have an outside shot to win an MVP or Ballon D’or that nobody would see coming. Moreover, despite differences in their games, each displays uncanny poise, rarely makes mistakes, has a feel for the game beyond their years (both are 24, born two weeks apart), and maintain a worldwide approval rating near 100% — even among Mavericks and Barcelona fans.

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