Stone Cold Steve Austin says he could be Cowboys quarterback

Because there is not enough of a media circus surrounding the Cowboys, Stone Cold Steve Austin declared he could be the team’s quarterback.

The Dallas Cowboys are currently 2-5, and suffering without their frequently injured quarterback Tony Romo, who cannot return to the field until Week 11. Matt Cassel and Brandon Weeden have proven themselves to be sorely inadequate replacements for Romo, resulting in a string of losses for the team.

Hark! A solution to the problem. Former WWE star Stone Cold Steve Austin stepped up, declaring he is the right guy for the job. He told the Dallas Morning News:

"“I tell you what, I got some time on my hands. I could be there Sunday, playing the Philadelphia Eagles. I think I can line ’em up, throw for about 300, 400 yards. Get (Jason) Witten open, get Dez (Bryant) working. A lot of underneath routes. Give (Darren) McFadden the ball a few times. Maybe do a little end-around, fake the reverse pitchout, let me run downfield and Darren can throw me the ball. About 60 yards out, catch it in full stride and boom, spike it over the damn goalpost. … Y’all saw me catch all those beers all those years — damn-near never dropped any of them. You know how much money I could have made playing professional football as a tight end? But I can’t jump and I can’t run fast. That was my problem.”"

Austin could be a safe bet. After all, it would be hard to make the Cowboys’ plight even worse. Even if the Cowboys continue to lose with Austin at the helm, he would add a much-needed dash of entertainment and distraction from the Greg Hardy saga.