Burger King hot dog review: I might be dead by the weekend

Burger King is selling hot dogs now — we tried them so you don’t have to. 

There have been moments in human history that have gone down as leaps forward in the advancement of our race. Da Vinci’s creations, the invention of electricity, the moon landing and the rise of the internet all come to mind as pillars of progress.

The Burger King hot dog is none of these things.

Burger King has finally started selling hot dogs, after years of staying away from doing so — for some reason. But just like most gimmicks that fast food chains come up with, this hot dog is really nothing you need to rush out and get. Back in October, Burger King introduced their Black Bun Whopper for Halloween. I tried that Whopper but the grim specter of death was unbeknownst to me at the time of consumption. Let’s just say the burger went in black and that’s the way it came out.

Needless to say, Burger King introducing something else for me to punish my colon with wasn’t something I was counting the days to. Thanks to the introduction of not one but two hot dogs to their menu, it’s time to re-live some memories.

Right off the bat I held reservations about just how hearty this hot dog would be. Oscar Meyer is supplying the hot dogs to Burger King and if you’ve ever seen them sold in stores then you know how little you get. But the BK Grilled Hot Dog isn’t as skimpy as  you might think — which isn’t to say it’s anything spectacular being that the bar has been set so low.

Presentation

There are two options to choose from: the Classic and the Chili. The above is the Classic, which has sweet relish, chopped onions plus ketchup and mustard. The Chili dog is the same thing except instead of relish there is chili. God only knows what is in that chili; it tasted alright but was probably cat meat or something. There wasn’t anything too notable outside of that about the Chili dog, as there was a drizzling of chili on top of it and a sprinkling of cheese.

That’s what took me by such great surprise about the Classic — which is loaded. That’s not really the best thing but it didn’t hurt the hot dog as much as you might expect. The real thing that determines if this gimmick will last is if BK skimps on the meat. The packaging claims the dogs are 100 percent beef; I wouldn’t bet my life on that but this dog surprised when it came to how thick it was.

That’s not super thick, but the bar was set very low. It’s larger than a store-bought Oscar Meyer dog but not anywhere near a stadium dog or something you’d find somewhere else. As far as other fat food chains, this seemed to land somewhere between the DQ dog and the McD’s hot dog from back in the day. Nothing special but more bang for your buck than expected.

Taste

Besides worrying about the how thick the dog is and whether or not you’re getting ripped off, the real test lies in the taste. We could have the world’s thickest dog but if tastes like garbage than no one will eat it. To their credit, Burger King’s hot dog doesn’t taste that bad, but it’s not great either. The Chili dog might kill you a few days after you eat it, both because it’s just atrocious for your organs plus there’s that whole mystery meat element.

The Classic is dominated by the sweet relish and the onions in a not so pleasant way. It’s not that the hot dog tastes bad, it’s just that the toppings are overpowering in a way that more responsible hot dog vendors might take into consideration. The Burger King manager who made my meal looked dead behind the eyes, so that might have played into the overcompensation of the toppings, but it wasn’t a deal breaker to me.

Unlike the Black Bun Whopper — which was more bun than burger — the hot dogs at BK are decently proportioned. There comes a point where the bun-to-dog ratio is too high, but that’s the case with most hot dogs. For the most part, the bun isn’t a problem here.

It also appears that BK has copied a life hack for those of us who home-grill our dogs. They’ve slice the dog down the middle to afford for more room for toppings. In this case, it acted as an opportunity to drown the dog in relish and chopped onions. If the toppings were toned down in quantity, the dog wouldn’t have been as off-putting at it was. Again, to say that this dog wasn’t as bad as I thought is like being the skinniest kid at fat camp or the smartest kid in remedial math.

Verdict

If you’re looking for a quick fix and literally have no other options, then the BK hot dog selection is something you should look into. If you ever find yourself day drinking and really want to punish yourself, the BK hot dog selection is something you should look into. Those are really the only times you should ever consider getting one of theses hot dogs from Burger King, as no one can hate themselves that much to willingly hop aboard this pain train.

I did, but only so you don’t have to.