Just a few days ago my Outside Game colleague (something tells me Mr. Schottey’s skin is currently crawling at the thought of that label) wrote a passionate piece about wanting Ryan Lochte to go away. To be clear, I get where he is coming from and I hate to “play the contrarian” here, but what we need is MORE Ryan Lochte.
Lochte told a couple of dumb lies to cover up a dumb incident that really didn’t truly hurt anyone. He ate a few seedless, non-organic grapes at the grocery store. Nobody really thinks he took shine away from other Olympians nor did he disgrace the impeccable image of the USA. The fact that the media took to the case like he had murdered an underage hooker is a testament to the headline grabbing nature of the hacks at NBC who basically decided to swim in the same waters as TMZ for a week.
Swimming: 2016 Summer Olympics: (L-R) USA Townley Haas, Ryan Lochte and Conor Dwyer victorious during Men’s 4x200M Freestyle Relay Final at Rio Aquatics Centre.
Rio de Janeiro, Brazil 8/9/2016
CREDIT: Donald Miralle (Photo by Donald Miralle /Sports Illustrated/Getty Images)
(Set Number: SI86 TK1 )
I have also heard the “what kind of message does this send to our kids” type of refrain. On the contrary, I think Lochte provides a great message to kids: don’t grow up to be dumb and stupid. Lochte won the lottery and was handed athleticism and looks… and he still found a way to screw it up. (SMOKING HOT TAKE ALERT) If you REALLY want to get nit picky and on a sanctimonious high horse – what kind of message are we sending to our kids by glorifying Michael Phelps? Isn’t he a two-time DWI’er who has been in “Rehab” for reefer a couple of times and has a kid out of wedlock? OH NO! WHAT WILL I TELL MY SON?!?!?!
As crazy as it sounds, Lochte saved all of us from the Michael Phelps character second-guessing. He allowed us to appreciate Phelp’s dominance without scratching the faux outrage part of our collective brain. Wait – Ryan Lochte’s an American hero!
Aug 11, 2016; Rio de Janeiro, Brazil; Michael Phelps (USA) and Ryan Lochte (USA) react after the men
Also, I would argue that having a court jester like Lochte around makes us appreciate the Katy Ledecky, Usain Bolt and the (insert female gymnast we won’t remember in two weeks time). Face it, the Olympics are but a blip on the sports radar screen. For a few weeks every four years, we all suddenly become experts on floor routines and argue the merits and legality of diving into a finish line. We will only glorify these athletes for another week or so, and then go back to obsessing over the PSI of a football. Make no mistake, if we really cared about Pole Vaulting 12 months a year – ESPN would be doing a 30 for 30 on Allison Stokke.
So let’s look forward to Ryan’s internet-only TV Pilot he will be staring in and producing. Make sure to download the three twenty-minute podcasts he will do with Brian Dunkleman. Brace yourself for the inevitable million dollar offer from Porn Hub for Lochte to recreate his mugging incident. And feel free to support the crappy products that will be lining up to sponsor him in a non-ironic way (hello: Dude Wipes). Will I be watching, supporting and appreciating the unmitigated disaster that is Ryan Lochte?
Jeah.