5 countries Colin Kaepernick should move to if he hates America

2. Iran

Pretty hard to protest injustice when you’re wearing that black headband of yours in a 150 degree desert (except the headband covers your whole body). It’s been almost 40 years since the Sunnis staged a coup to overthrow the country’s democratically elected king, and not a single thing has changed.

Kapernick loves talking about race and how white people have oppressed black people. You know who also loved talking about that nonsense? Jimmy Carter, the guy responsible for all those hostages that were killed. That white guilt stuff didn’t fly back then, and it sure as shit ain’t gonna fly now. The more I think about it, the more Carter and Kaep seem like two peas in a pathetic little peanut pod. Both are washed up, both love sitting on the job, both are sent off to an early retirement where they do nothing but sit around for decades, doing nothing. That’s what do nothings do.

It’s a known fact people aren’t allowed to play sports in Iran. Which would certainly free up a lot of time for our friend Kaepernick to get involved with social justice issues. You know, until the last earthly thing he sees is his own neck bleeding on top of his face from the bottom of wicker basket. Where will all his SJW friends be then?

Next: The U.S.S.R.