33 NFL Players To Help You Survive The Zombie Apocalypse

9. Le’Veon Bell

Le’Veon Bell plays for the Pittsburgh Steelers. The first zombie apocalypse movie, George Romero’s Dawn of the Dead, was filmed in southwest Pennsylvania, Steelers country. So if narrative symmetry is any indication, Bell will be a useful ally should you embark on your own zombie storyline. But there are other signs the running back could help you survive an assault by the undead.

Bell weighs 230 pounds. His body fat is 2.9 percent. I’ll repeat that while you collect your jaw from the floor: his body fat is 2.9 percent. The average human has more fat than that in their earlobes alone. This means Bell is 223 pounds of Reynoldsburg, Ohio’s finest musculature. It also means he’s probably immune to zombie bites. Think about it: what’s the likely outcome when a putrid, rotting zombie with poor dental hygiene tries to chomp down on a freak athlete who’s rock solid from head to toe? The zombie will suffer some broken teeth and Bell will just keep on keeping on. Another trait in his favor: when he was suspended by the NFL for missing a drug test, he said the league never actually contacted him because he changed his phone number and they called the old line. We see Bell is as elusive in life as he on the gridiron — an essential quality for anyone trying to survive an ever-more undead world.

Next: Jason Pierre-Paul