Jarvis Landry crotch plants on goal post, likely regrets it
By Jim Cavan
The Miami wide receiver did his best Antonio Brown impression in Sunday’s showdown with the Browns.
During his first two seasons with the Miami Dolphins, former LSU standout Jarvis Landry emerged as one of the most exciting weapons in the game — a speedy, sneaky receiver with breakaway juice and sticky mitts to match.
Like any young wideout, though, Landry knows the mantle of NFL’s Catch King belongs to one man alone: Antonio Doesn’t Have a Middle Name Brown.
On Sunday, Landry reeled in a lovely 42-yard scoring strike from quarterback Ryan Tannehill to give Miami a narrow 17-13 lead over the visiting Cleveland Browns. But it was how Landry capped it off that conjured memories of another, similarly saucy celebration from a season ago.
First off, I don’t care if you’re wearing a cup made of billion-dollar space foam; this is not something any self-respecting football man should do to his carrot and peas.
In case you spent the entirety of the 2015 NFL season contemplating nothingness beneath a banyan tree, here’s the source material for Landry’s nut-busting homage:
While we applaud the effort, Landry’s goal-post junk-plant was neither original nor terribly well-executed. Brown clearly had the larger head of steam, making the resulting, nearly hands-free penis pile-driver as creative as it was woefully, horribly ill-advised.
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Still, desperate times call for desperate measures, and if Landry precluding his own ability to procreate gives Miami the spark it needs to skate off the snide, more power to them.