Opinion: The ABC’s of Supporting a Team In Your 40’s

For starters, I will admit once again that I am old as balls. I am so old that email was a new thing you did in the computer lab in college. Part of being old means that I have some perspective on things and that I can state unequivocally that men over the age of 30 should NEVER wear a sports jersey. It just doesn’t work in any capacity. When you go to a game — don’t be one of those guys. You’re better off wearing a sweatshirt or windbreaker you got for free with a random company logo slapped on it.

There are gray areas. I am oddly OK with the team t-shirt, aka ‘shirsey’, with a player’s name and number on the back. Just don’t throw that one on where the danger numbers increase dramatically. I will admit to the fact that I have been proudly peacocking around town in a Mookie Betts shirsey. Keep in mind, I live in one of the softest towns in NJ. I am not about to walk into a bar in Newark wearing it, but I have zero problem strutting around my local Home Deeps — yes, I call it Home DEEPS — and Starbucks getting the occasional nods from other New England transplants.

I realize I am fighting a losing battle. People like to wear their team’s laundry. So IF you insist on getting a jersey… and that is a big if, the jersey number/player should be in line with your body type. If you are 280 lbs — you should be wearing a Nick Mangold jersey not Darrelle Revis jersey. Same goes for skinny people — if you look like Skinny Pete you should not be investing Ndamukong Suh stock.

I know I am ripping on football fans a lot here. NBA jerseys? No. Never. Hockey Sweaters? I’ll admit it is cool that they are called sweaters, but you run the risk of looking like you gave up on life and worship at the altar of Kevin Smith. Baseball? Don’t even get me started on authentic button up baseball jerseys – cute on little kids but adults look like they got free tickets to the game from the great and malevolent Marlins Man.

Don’t be Marlins Man

If I can give you any advice — get yourself a nice team hat. Can’t go wrong with throwback hats. Or just stick to the plain game worn hats (thus avoiding multi-colored brims and National League Division round logos). Just please bend the brim of your hat and remove any hologram stickers.

That being said, the whole flat brim hat scene will be the topic of my next post. I need 5,000 words to address that. Now please, GET OFF MY LAWN.