Let’s celebrate mediocrity!

On Sunday, I went to CVS to get my daily eight liters of diet Dr. Pepper. CVS is neat because they always have sales on the really big bottles. By always, I mean not Sunday. There were no little yellow price tags saying 4/$5.00 or even 2/$3.50. No tags on Coke products, on Pepsi products, or even Sunkist. Defeated and miserable, I grabbed two two-liters instead of my usual four and resigned myself to paying retail soda price.

But then something amazing happened, something I now hold sacred. When the cashier, who may have been an angel, scanned my CVS Extra Care card, the price came in at a discount.

I don’t know where that sale price came from, where it’s going, or whose life it might touch next, but in that moment I was happy. Not as happy as I could have been, mind, because I didn’t get the usual four two-liters, but I was happy enough. I could have gone back and gotten more soda, but I didn’t. Why? Maybe because I didn’t want to overdose on joy. Maybe because I was in shock. Maybe because I was lazy.

It was that, actually. I’m a lazy person. Don’t judge me.

*****

Your team is probably not going to win the NBA Championship this year. In fact, it’s probably more improbable than it’s ever been in the past. This season has the potential to exhibit more dominance than we’ve seen, maybe ever. Dominance requires a lot of things getting dominated, and the dominated tend to outnumber the dominant. The team you like most is probably part of that lesser group, and that probably sucks.

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It’s good to lower your expectations sometimes. The 2016-2017 season is probably one of those times. I’m not saying this to hurt you, I’m saying this to help.

The mid-2000s were a good time to be a Pistons fan. There were All-Stars, and Eastern Conference Finals, and a big trophy named Larry.

Just one trophy. I spent a lot of that era lamenting lost Larrys. Ben Wallace Defensive Player of the Year Awards weren’t good enough. Rasheed Wallace’s weird no-hair spot wasn’t fun enough. Rip Hamilton hitting another mid-range jumper after another baseline cut wasn’t important enough. These were elements to the dynasty compound that never formed, and I wanted real life to capitulate to my arrogance.

It didn’t, so I got petulant. I waited for the next season instead of staying in the one that happened. I developed an irrational hatred of Bruce Bowen that I still have difficulty letting go of today. This is not something I’m proud of. This is something I regret, and I regret having regrets. Don’t be like me.

My experience is my experience, and yours is your own. It’s unlikely I’d be looking back wishing to have enjoyed myself more if the 2003-2009 Pistons weren’t a perennially great team. They were special, a singular mix of wins, personality, and marketing that made them resonate with the city completely unlike how the team has done since. I found “let’s go to work” a bit cheesy, but I felt like I was in on the joke. I liked that.

And I like points. Counting is fun. I never counted down to zero in my driveway to mimic blocking the buzzer-beating shot. It always went in, and if it didn’t I’d keep pretending until it did. Scoring is more fun, yet that team made me prefer defense. I didn’t need to understand elements of proper positioning or when best to switch on a pick-and-roll. I’m still no confident on those things now. I do know though that a low amount of points was good as long as the other team had it. The other team had it a lot. The thought that low-scoring games annoyed other fanbases made my angsty teenager self happy as well.

Those Pistons did almost everything right to bring a desirable team to a largely undesirable market, and decisions aren’t easy. In 2004, the Pistons drafted Darko Milicic. I offer this as evidence that people don’t get everything wrong all the time.

Photo by Brian Bahr/Getty Images

I loved Darko.

I got that wrong. I love Darko. He’s tall and his name is fun to say. It’s hard for me to hold much against Joe Dumars when he assembled the team that brought Larry into my life. Darko was a champion. A champion of my heart.

Ridiculous cliches fit as well as anything else when I think about it. If I were to simplify everything down to the point of being unrecognizable, Darko has as much to do with me being a happier basketball fan as anything else does. He got a pass through my cynicism because there was so much good surrounding him that he became good himself.

He was the human victory cigar. That was a mean thing to call him. It was also accurate. Whenever he showed up, it usually meant something like the game was well in hand. Darko meant victory. There was also a faint hope every year that maybe he’d break out. Or break into the starting line-up. Waiting for Darko to reach LeBron and Carmelo’s level and be a steady All-Star was crossed off the list. And then so was his becoming a reliable rotation player. And so was anything else of much value, but “who cares if we blew a draft pick?” I thought. We beat the Lakers in the Finals.

I don’t want to say there is one right way to enjoy basketball, but whatever my mindset was while watching Darko is right for me. I remember the little ripples of joy every time I saw him pull down a rebound in garbage time or seeing that he hit one of two free throws in the Free Press box score. It was my first lesson in finding little moments of joy in something that should, in essence, be entertaining. Some people like horror films. Some people like to analyze them. I like The Lion King. I would have been cool with the movie ending after “Hakuna Matata.”

Because Darko left. And Chauncey and the Wallaces left. And Tayshaun stayed. And the wins left. I was still there, though. Don’t pity me.

The choice was to either find joy in what was there, or remove myself from caring basketball altogether. I chose the latter. I was wrong. Again, decisions are difficult.

Josh Smith signed a $54 million contract with the Pistons in 2013. I have one strong memory of Josh Smith in Pistons uniform. The first live basketball game I had seen in years was in 2014 in preseason against the Milwaukee Bucks. I remember watching Josh Smith shooting threes because I still have the scars, but I also remember seeing him sling passes at LeBron angles through the defense. One in particular stands out to me — the Pistons were shooting on the basket to my right, and Josh Smith was dribbling on the left side of the key, and I thought he was going to shoot a long two, and he didn’t, and he threw the ball really fast with his left hand to KCP for a three pointer that didn’t go in.

I remember writing a blog post mentioning “Josh Smith is really good.” I remember driving south down I-75 after the meaningless win smiling thinking to myself “That was awesome.” “That” meant a lot of things, and Josh Smith was one of them. My firmest memory of Josh Smith is something fond. You never know when Darko is going to show up. Don’t laugh at me.

The Pistons are probably not going to win a championship this year. That probably sucks to me in 2005. Right now, I don’t think I really care. I’m more excited for this Pistons season than I can ever recall being in the past, even when they were going to work. It helps that they were just in the playoffs, and it helps that they have an All-Star again, but this is the first time I know that no matter who is on the court I’m going to be happy to watch them play for one reason or another.

Their starting lineup reminds me of the championship team in that there isn’t anyone I’d consider one of the top players in the league, but as a unit they’re a force. Sure their ceiling isn’t as high because the NBA ceiling is being guarded by Cavalier and Warrior-shaped ceiling goblins, but hovering around the ceiling fan like a pesky moth is pretty great too.

You know what else is cool? The second runner up in the historic 2016 dunk contest Andre Drummond is on the team. And he’s my favorite. Either he is or LeBron is, but who really keeps track of these things?

And you know what else is cool? Ish Smith. He might fit an important need and his name is fun to say.

And you know what else is cool? Boban. He’s really big and foreign.

And you know what else is cool? I don’t know yet, but something cool might happen. Isn’t that cool?

My CVS receipt also gave me $.35 off of a three pack of razors. I don’t buy razors there typically, but if by some touch of fate I need one at the same time I’m buying large quantities of soda, that will be a special moment. Or it won’t. I won’t know until it happens. Don’t ask me.