Ranking the new NBA hashtags

The NBA recently unveiled team hashflags for the 2016-17 season. Here we rank them all.

The NBA announced the new team hashflags for the 2016-17 season.

How does it work? If you use your team’s hashtag, you can unlock the corresponding emoji. It’s a great way to show support and an even better way to waste time on Twitter. As you might notice, however, some hashtags are better than others. “#Celtics” can’t possibly be on the same level as “#GrindCity”, can it? Unsatisfied with this disparity in quality, I have decided to rank each NBA hashtag in an effort to settle the debate and upset as many fanbases as possible in the process. I will be sure to take into account the accompanying emojis in my analysis. I have separated all 30 hashtags into comprehensive tiers, grouping like with like for your convenience. Without further ado, I give you the 2016-17 hashtags, in order of worst to best.

September 26, 2016; Oakland, CA, USA; Golden State Warriors center JaVale McGee (1) poses for a photo during media day at the Warriors Practice Facility. Mandatory Credit: Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports

Tier 5: Just plain terrible

30. #OwnTheFuture

29. #LakeShow

28. #PowerOfThePack

27. #ItTakesEverything

26. #SacramentoProud

I really don’t know where to start. If a “terrible hashtag” contest were a thing, these would be the unanimous winners. These are the JaVale McGees of the hashtag world (sorry JaVale, I love you and Shaqtin’ A Fool would not be the same without you). I don’t have the stomach to go through each and every one of these, but I feel I should pay attention to a couple stand-outs.

First of all, what were the Milwaukee Bucks thinking here? Own the future? What does that even mean? I assume this is a reference to all the young talent Milwaukee has, most notably Giannis Antetokuonmpo, the Greek Freak. But owning the future … isn’t that like tanking for three straight seasons and hoarding draft picks for a distant future that never seems to come? (I’m looking at you, Sam Hinkie). Perhaps most concerning here is that #OwnTheFuture beat out #FearTheDeer. Someone seriously needs to get fired over this.

Just slightly less upsetting than #OwnTheFuture is #LakeShow. I still haven’t figured out what a Laker is, don’t talk to me about lake shows. Maybe I would feel differently if they were back in Minnesota, the “Land of 10,000 Lakes.” Ten thousand lakes. Now that would be a lot of lake shows!

#PowerOfThePack makes me feel like I’m watching Baldo: Wolfquest. #ItTakesEverything makes me feel like a bodybuilder trainee under C.T. Fletcher. #SacramentoProud … well let’s face it, Sacramento hasn’t given its basketball fans much to be proud of for quite some time. Terrible stuff, all this.