NFL Podium Fashion: Antonio Brown’s Jacket Just Lit The World On Fire

With each passing week of the NFL season, more and more attention has been paid to the postgame podium, where star players — and even terrible ones — are bestowed with the opportunity to style and profile like Ric Flair, inevitably getting the masses talking and potentially cementing lavish endorsement gigs from mattress companies across the globe.

Sadly, we’re still waiting for some flashy showman to take it to this kind of next-level intensity:

But make no mistake about it, this weekly rundown of styles includes all walks of life, led by forward-thinking trailblazers such as Andrew Luck, who clearly doesn’t give a shit and never will give a shit.

As we’ve come to learn quite clearly, sometimes the ensemble works:

Yes sir, Andy Dalton — who hearts the t-shirt/jacket combo as much as I do — is the perfect example of a guy who has been consistently bringin’ it all season long.

Unfortunately, not everyone is as stylish as Andy, so it’s not uncommon to see that, at times, the ensemble most certainly does NOT work; like that time last season when ZOMBIE JOE FLACCO made time stand still.

****MISSING IN ACTION*****

The Week 10 BYE sadly pulled away the cream of the crop in Bills QB Tyrod Taylor, along with the always pleasant Derek Carr. But it also forced two special drones to take a seat.

We missed you the most, Andrew.

Rest up, sweet prince.

As for those who did take the field this week, these are their stories…

Eric Weddle

Let’s start off with a bang by showcasing the amazing finish to Eric Weddle’s session with the media. A thunderous clap and a “wooooo!” should be how every press conference in America ends, especially Donald Trump’s.

*****

Antonio Brown

via Steelers.com

Antonio Brown showed up to the podium sporting a fierce People’s Eyebrow and a red leather studded jacket that more than likely inspired Michael Jackson to perform a 37-song, 5-hour set in heaven.

If I were to own such a jacket, there’s a healthy chance I would have the pattern copied on a large scale and applied to my entire house; both indoors and out.

The cleats Antonio suited up in yesterday were also pretty incredible in their own right.

What an outstanding tribute to the late, great Pat Tillman.

*****

Sam Bradford

Renowned serial killer Sam Bradford showed up to court looking disheveled and completely out of sorts, as though he had arrived to the podium directly from his latest kill.

Nonetheless, he nervously pleaded “not guilty” while his eyes rolled around like performance-enhanced ping pong balls.

Seriously, is this dude OK? It honestly looks like Sam Bradford has officially departed earth. Or is the answer something a little more simple, like he just happens to adore the movie Awakenings?

via Vikings.com

Because this is a certified mess. He looks like he’s intently studying things that aren’t even there.

*****

Russell Wilson

via Seahawks.com

Russ was his usual dapper self but an emergency appointment with his barber should be, by far and away, his top priority for the week.

*****

Cam Newton

via Panthers.com

Despite an excruciating loss to the Chiefs in the final seconds, Cam Newton still showed up to the podium in a phenomenal fedora and took questions from reporters for roughly seven minutes before gallivanting off to a screen test for what my sources are telling me is a Zoolander prequel.

I’m not exactly sure who it was that Cam spotted in the media gallery, but man does he look thirsty.

Woah. OK, now you’ve gone too far, Cam. Let’s move things along please.

*****

Marcus Mariota

The always interesting “Movember” journey has begun for Marcus Mariota and holy crap, he’s basically Kid Ray from Lean On Me, only with short hair.

via madamenoire.com

And there it is. Yup.

*****

Tom Brady

via Patriots.com

My goodness! Tough loss, Tommy? Get it together, man. You’re supposed to be the pro’s pro. You like you just got done jogging off a year’s worth of fights with Gisele.

*****

Ben Roethlisberger

via Steelers.com

At lease once a season, probably when he doesn’t feel like dressing up, the always playful Big Ben ditches the podium and implores reporters to adorn him with as many microphones as possible.

Think Stranger Things, but with a far stranger person.

*****

Aaron Rodgers

Aaron Rodgers switched things up for a change and boldly went the Jedi route. The only thing he forgot was a green light saber and about 23 points.

*****

Joe Flacco

via BaltimoreRavens.com

I could not be happier to say that Zombie Joe Flacco has triumphantly returned to our lives. Personally, mine had felt a little empty without Joe’s glaringly empty soul presiding.

Welcome back, my undead friend!

*****

Muhammad Wilkerson

via NewYorkJets.com

The dream is for Muhammad Wilkerson and Joe Flacco to one day switch wardrobes for a week.

Seriously, take a look at this outfit for a few seconds and then proceed to scroll up. It would be magical.

*****

Ezekiel Elliott

Pretty nice to see that Zeke is a proud graduate of “The Merril Hoge School for Sociopathic Tying of Ties.”

Never, ever forget.

via imgur

To be honest, it’s been exceedingly hard to airlift the scars from my brain.

*****

Demaryius Thomas

via DenverBroncos.com

Sometimes a simple shirt, a gold chain, and a smile that wryly says “yeah, we got away with one” is all you need to make your mark at the podium.

Expertly done, Demaryius.

For the record, just so we’re clear, Denver absolutely got away with one.

Shameful.

*****

Cody Kessler

via Browns.com

I’m honestly worried about Browns QB, Cody Kessler. This looks like a guy who lost his puppy and a result, has become his own lost puppy. He needs guidance.

Specifically, someone to instruct him to stop dicking around with his tongue when he’s standing in front of a bunch of cameras. And perhaps someone to ensure his medication always has refills.

*****

Mike Remmers

via Panthers.com

Each week it seems like a random player comes out of the woodwork to steal the show. And my god, did Panthers right tackle Mike Remmers just steal the whole damn thing.

Carolina could’ve won by 40 or lost by 50 and you’d never know. Because all Mike Remmers wants to do is eat a steak and talk about beard growing, and the future of beard growing.

*****

Zack Martin

via DallasCowboys.com

Linemen are the best. Zack Martin and Mike Remmers need to go out for a beer.

*****

Colin Kaepernick

via 49ers.com

If he never gets a haircut, I have zero problem with the 49ers starting Colin Kaepernick until he’s 67 years old. It is THE lifeline of the San Francisco 49ers season.

Sadly, while Colin’s message has been strong — absolutely love the shirt — his demeanor is as empty as the Niners’ paltry 1-8 record.

*****

Jay Cutler

I love that the Bears chose to use this photo for its official Twitter feed. I also love that Cutler’s tie looks like a giant sock, possibly (and inexplicably) made of Velcro. Only Jay, man. Only Jay.

The sheer paranoia emanating from Cutler’s body makes complete sense when you take into account the 36-10 loss and his recent public praise of President Donald Trump.

*****

Blake Bortles

via Jaguars.com

He’s as consistent as they come, folks. If it’s Blake Bortles you see up there, it’s “All Jags Everything” and nothing else; including wins. But it’s been his body language of late that’s really cut through the clutter. He’s telling us so much without telling us anything at all.

Sidenote: It took until the final week of the season last year for Bortles to finally break free from his world famous, Jags-adorned shackles.

Bless your giving hearts for that one, Oakley.

*****

Trevor Siemian

Andrew Luck’s instant impact on the field as a rookie — to go along with a lifetime of awkwardness — made for a seamless transition in taking the baton from Peyton Manning in Indy.

While it is early, Trevor Siemian appears to be doing very much the same in Denver. He basically looks like a young Peyton here, dressed sharply but conservatively, and ready to dole out an answer in the most endearingly goofy way.

*****

Case Keenum

via TheRams.com

Woah, hey, look at Case Keenum! One measly win at MetLife Stadium and suddenly he’s Mr. Cool Guy.

Reel it back in, Case. And make it snappy.

*****

Jordy Nelson

You’ll notice in the background that Jordy Nelson’s suit jacket is almost identical to his button-down.

Would’ve loved to have seen this mess put together. Stripes on stripes on stripes.

Yes, the 4-5 Packers are utterly lost.

*****

Josh McCown

Nobody is convincing me that Josh McCown is not the mature Papelbon brother. Nobody.

For an 0-10 team, I sincerely give the guy credit for wearing a suit as he took questions from reporters. If I’m 10 weeks in and have yet to see a win, I’m toilet-papering myself and throwing on some ski goggles and flippers before heading to the podium.

*****

Kirk Cousins

via Redskins.com

The usually well-mannered Kirk Cousins inexplicably broke into a highly unsuitable version of the Chris Isaak classic, “Wicked Game,” causing a widespread moment of uncertainty in the press room.

Though according to my insider, reporters seemed most appalled by the diaper that Cousins chose to wear as a pocket square.

*****

Carson Wentz

via PhiladelphiaEagles.com

At first glance, the checkered collar looked like a terrible decision. But this outfit is put together nicely. So much so, in fact, that I actually like what Carson Wentz did here. He took a chance and tried something different; and it worked.

See, it is possible to say something nice about Philly in this space.

*****

Alex Smith

via Chiefs.com

All Alex Smith wants to do is wear golf polos and constantly look down while speaking. Guarantee this dude throws at least four backup beard trimmers into his bag before heading to the airport. And that includes vacations. Seems like a pretty wild guy.

*****

Drew Brees

via NewOrleansSaints.com

There’s never really a whole lot to say about Drew Brees. Why? Because Drew Brees routinely channels the senior account guy from the firm who occasionally takes his team out for happy hour but always leaves early; and everyone loves when he leaves early.

*****

Kwon Alexander

via Buccaneers.com

You win by 26 points, BOOM, you get to wear sunglasses indoors. This is football science.

*****

Bonus Round: Some Guy’s Head!

This feels like such a “Special Times in Browns Editing” moment but, as you can see by the backdrop, all credit goes to the Chiefs.

*****

These Deion Things

Once again, these Deion Things — which happens to be the best and only name for them — remain intensely odd.

Is he Skyping with a hypnotized CGI version of Zeke Elliot? Sure as hell looks like it.

Creeped. Out.

*****

This one is far less creepier, though still awkward.

Settle down, Senator Cousins. It’s just a giddy Deion Sanders, not the latest Instagram model to set the world ablaze.

*****

Previously: Tom Brady’s XXXL Overcoat Won The Weekend
Previously: The Remarkable Transformation Of Case Keenum
Previously: Tom Brady Pays Homage To Terrible Clothing
Previously: Andrew Luck Fills Flashy Void For Tom Brady
Previously: Cam Can’t Figure Out Which Color To Paint The Kitchen
Previously: J.J. Watt Redeems Himself With “Sandlot” Shout-Out
Previously: Meet Cam Newton, Exiled Member Of Exotic Barbershop Quartet
Previously: Matt Ryan Takes Over Zoolander Duties In Tom Brady’s Absence
Previously: Cam Newton Channels A Fashion-Forward Steve Urkel

*****

For more breaking news, scorching takes, and utter ass-hattery, follow Tim Ryan on Twitter and Instagram. For a look at last season’s colorful ride at the podium, each of those installments can be found right here.