Author and self-described minimalist Francine Jay once wrote, “We are not what we own; we are what we do, what we think, and who we are.” In theory, this is a mostly objective and acceptable truth. In practice, however, it must suffer even to an infinitesimal degree, because one of the things most of us must do is buy.
If what we buy to own is a reflection of who we are, then cars must be one of the most prominent mirrors of our personality. In an interview with NBA.com, Milwaukee Bucks point guard Giannis Antetokounmpo relayed that he owns a 2011 GMC Yukon, which he refers to as his “baby.”
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While this isn’t the mind-bending revelation that Kawhi Leonard’s admission to driving a 1997 Chevy Tahoe was, it is still a remarkable footnote for a budding and captivating young star in a personality-driven league. Because not everybody is so open about his vehicular preference (with good reason), it got us thinking about what other NBA players may be driving simply based on their personalities and playing styles.
LeBron James — Bugatti Veyron Super Sport
Alright, sure, so James drives a Kia, and if I say anything else, he’s coming to my house to tweet back at me in person. However, were the four-time NBA MVP to have a side-jalopy, it would be this Bugatti. Discontinued in 2015, the Veyron set the Guinness World Record for fastest street-legal production car in the world, hitting 257.87 mph. Likewise, LeBron led the team that helped set the world record for 3-1 lead jokes on Twitter.
Steph Curry — 2015 Porsche 918 Spyder
Speaking of the first unanimous league MVP, even after his 157-game run of at least one 3-pointer made came to a close earlier this month against the Los Angeles Lakers, Curry continues to set marks for efficiency within a highly productive offense. Likewise, the 918 can go from 0-60 in 2.2 seconds and covers an estimated 67 miles per gallon (at least!), an incredibly efficient car in a stunning frame.
Russell Westbrook — Mercedes-Benz S600
Currently on a vengeful campaign against the entire league, in which he is averaging 32.0 points, 9.7 rebounds, and 9.9 assists per game, Westbrook seems to deflect every point-blank bullet shot at him, only to throw them back at opponents, all while pushing the bounds of fashion. Not unlike the Oklahoma City Thunder point guard, the S600 is a stylish and powerful car whose capabilities are so vast that only full sovereignty can unleash them. As with Westbrook, the S600 is not the most efficient vehicle here — an estimated 13-22 mpg to Westbrook’s 48.3 effective field goal percentage — but that makes it no less thrilling a ride than the Thunder’s season.
Spencer Hawes — 1975 Trabant
Time magazine began the Trabant’s review for its “50 Worst Cars of All Time” thusly: “This is the car that gave Communism a bad name.” Perhaps the NBA’s only openly conservative player, Hawes has no problem denouncing sharing-as-caring politics and once purchased toilet paper featuring Barack Obama emblazoned on it.
Tim Duncan — A Volvo. Any Volvo
We’re making an exception here for a retired player. Duncan’s reliability and durability calls to mind the Swedish-made staple, any of which seem ripe for an encounter with the end times. Like watching the under appreciated mid-aughts San Antonio Spurs, it may not be the most fun to drive, but it will get the job done.