Fansided

NFL Podium Fashion: Tom Brady Broke Out The Inspector Gadget Jacket

As we get deeper into theĀ NFL season, it appearsĀ as though players have gone deeper into their bag of tricks when it comes to the postgame podium, where starĀ players ā€”Ā particularly Antonio Brown ā€” are bestowed with the opportunity toĀ style and profile likeĀ Ric Flair, inevitably setting Twitter ablaze in an effort to get the attention of big brands so as to finally cement that elusive endorsement gig from a mattress company in Japan.

Sadly, weā€™re still waiting for some flashy showman to take it to this kind of next-level intensity:

But make no mistake about it, this weekly onslaught of styles includes all walks of life, led by fashion-forward trailblazers such asĀ Andrew Luck,Ā who clearly doesnā€™t give a shitĀ and never will give a shit.

As weā€™ve come to learn over the years, sometimes the ensemble works:

Yes, Jay Cutler not only dressing like Ron Burgundy but also sporting the same seductive demeanor was probably a Top 5 career highlight for the Bears quarterback.

Unfortunately, thereā€™s only one Jay Cutler, so itā€™s not uncommon to see that ā€” at times ā€” the ensemble most certainly does NOTĀ work; like last season when Professor Jim Tomsula busted out his reading glasses.

****MISSING IN ACTION*****

The Week 11 BYE savagely yanked some truly flashy players off the field in Melvin Gordon, Muhammad Wilkerson, Brandon Marshall, and the always unpredictable Von Miller.

We were also robbed of Trevor Siemianā€™s awkwardness and Matt Ryanā€™s incredibly sweaty forehead.

Iā€™d love to say that this was the one week where we werenā€™t gifted with a bolo tie from Philip Rivers, but thatā€™s been missing all season long. Sad!

As for those who did takeĀ the field this week, these are their storiesā€¦

Luke Kuechly

This was honestly a refreshing photo to see from the Panthers on Friday considering the way Luke Kuechly looked when he was carted off the field Thursday night.

He didnā€™t seem like a guy who was injured, he seemed like a guy who didnā€™t know where he was or what he was doing. Scary sight.

Now letā€™s put all the pleasantries aside and get onto the mockery.

*****

Landon Collins

via Giants.com

Well, you had a nice run, Jarvis Landry. But your hair just got absolutely OWNED by Landon Collins. It also happens to go exceptionally well with his shirt. The dude seriously thought of everything.

*****

Jarvis Landry

via MiamiDolphins.com

I mean, donā€™t get me wrong. Landryā€™s hair is pretty special in its own right but it lacks the full execution exhibited by Landon Collins.

Sprinkle in a few more colors and the conversation drastically changes. You know, like this.

*****

Tom Brady

via Patriots.com

Tom Brady wouldā€™ve been wise to just stick with the v-neck t-shirt but instead he chose, again, to honor both Inspector Gadget and Morty Seinfeld.

Remember when he did this last year?

At least that one wasĀ a little more understated and casual. This one is just inexcusable. And I donā€™t care if it cost him $5,000. He looks like a complete fool inĀ that enormous collar suited only for the likes of Andre the Giant and Yao Ming.

Weā€™re heading into Week 12, Sir Thomas. You gotta bring the pain soon or youā€™ll be punted off the top of Mt. Fashion with great vigor.

*****

Andrew Luck

via Colts.com

Tim Ryan: ā€œHi Andrew, Tim Ryan of The Outside Game here. So how would you grade your fashion performance so far this season?ā€

Andrew Luck: [ā€¦]

TR: Good talk, Russ.

*****

Cam Newton

via Panthers.com

Take one look at this scintillating photo and tell me Cam Newton wouldnā€™t have been a major star on In Living Color. He makes Jamie Foxxā€™s classic facial expressions seem pedestrian here.

Coincidentally, Iā€™mĀ getting a major Anton the BumĀ vibe fromĀ this shot.

Itā€™s a great outfit in theory, but itā€™s thrown together like he slept onĀ the subway.

*****

Aaron Rodgers

https://twitter.com/packers/status/800588200293105664

Is there a reason the Packers always choose a photo of Aaron Rodgers where he looks like he was just woken up from a nap to be badgered with questions from reporters?

Also, is there any particular reason as to why all of his outfits must feature a white Hanes t-shirt?

If they made turtleneck t-shirts, Aaron Rodgers would be first in line because thisĀ guy wants nothing more than to make sure you see as much of his white t-shirt as possible, regardless of outfit.

*****

Eli Manning

via Giants.com

I havenā€™t done a whole lot of Eli bashing this year and thatā€™s mostly because he hasnā€™t given me much ammo. Once again, his suit is very sharp.

However, his derpy facial expressions are second to none. Heā€™s basically the NFLā€™s very own Beaker.

*****

Tyrod Taylor

Itā€™s a forgone conclusion that Tyrod Taylor will be the one hitting Tom Brady over the head with a steel chair andĀ yanking the coveted fashion championship belt right out of his hands.

T-Smooth is always on point and somehow manages to never overdo it; and thatā€™s no easy feat. Just ask Cam Newton.

*****

Drew Brees

via NewOrleansSaints.com

Drew Brees looked sharp for a change but he does not exactly look ā€œwell.ā€

Get well, get well soon, we wish you to get well!

ā€œOh what a stirring little anthem of wellnessā€ was quite possibly Petermanā€™s most unheralded line. Amazing.

*****

Dak Prescott

via DallasCowboys.com

Polka-dotted bow tie and a pinstriped shirt? No, Dak. The answer is NO. Now go to your room.

*****

Zach Strief

via NewOrleansSaints.com

Saints offensive tackle Zach Striefā€™s impromptu Undertaker impression was off the charts.

Oh, and there was also this.

No wonder the Saints are a spiraling mess.

*****

Marcus Mariota

via TitansOnline.com

Marcus Mariotaā€™s outward pleaĀ to Netflix for a role on season 3 of Narcos is going tremendously well.

*****

Sam Bradford

via Vikings.com

Sam Bradford, Minnesotaā€™s very own version of Dexter, is still wearing the same suit heā€™s been wearing since his first start for the Vikings in Week 2. And, as you can clearly see, he still looks like a complete maniac whenever he steps up to the podium.

Seriously dude, youā€™re scaring the living shit out of all of us.

*****

Carson Palmer

via AZCardinals.com

Dear Carson Palmer,

Donā€™t ever disgrace the scarf game like this again.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Scarf Enthusiasts & Anyone With A Mirror

*****

Leā€™Veon Bell

Looks great!

*****

Russell Wilson

via Seahawks.com

Russell Wilson wore what very well might be the greatest smoking jacket Iā€™ve ever seen.

Apologies for the picture quality on this one. Apparently the Seahawks now film all press conferences underwater.

*****

Matthew Stafford

The Detroit Lions are tied for first place and Matt Stafford flashed a smile and a genuine look of happiness. Ladies and gentlemen, this goes way beyond fashion.

Still, the greatly exposed white undershirt has become a widespread epidemic in the NFL.

*****

Ted Ginn Jr.

via Panthers.com

Ted Ginn Jr. seemingly put it all together ā€” the hair, the Harbaugh glasses, the jacket, the chain ā€” but his decision to wearĀ a t-shirt with a newspaper column written on it feels like a costly one.

Guarantee he got stopped every three seconds by someone asking what his shirt says.

Additionally, and perhaps most importantly, Ginn needs to keep a close eye on theĀ vengeful redhead behind him. That mercenary has blood in his eyes.

*****

Dez Bryant

via DallasCowboys.com

Perfect example of making a statement without turning yourself into a circus clown. Black shirt, black fedora, and a thunderous gold chain. Boom, mission accomplished.

*****

Jay Cutler

https://twitter.com/ChicagoBears/status/800480116707102721

Of all the quotes to feature, the Bears went with the ā€œhard one to swallowā€ line. Excellent.

But not as excellent as Jay Cutlerā€™s tie. Itā€™s like his mom forced him to wear one so he put in the effort of a 3rd grader as his way of rebelling.

I love Jay Cutler.

*****

Taylor Decker

via DetroitLions.com

If Lions offensive tackle Taylor Decker could somehow turn that eyeblack into hair, it would be the ballsiest, most devastating look on the planet.

Even in its current state, the seamless transition fromĀ beard to eyeblack is astounding.

*****

Ron Rivera

via Panthers.com

Can Ron Rivera actually see without those glasses on? It might be easier to break through a bank safe than it would be to get through those powerfulĀ lenses.

Also, nice Tar Heel-themed outfit, Ronald.

*****

Cam Newtonā€™s Cleats!

Cam Newton is the gift that keeps on giving. Any player whoĀ can spark memories of the Rock ā€˜nā€™ Roll Express or Shawn Michaels old mullet ā€” simply by wearing cleats ā€” is a hero in my book.

*****

Andy Dalton

via Bengals.com

My praise for Andy Dalton last week proved to be a costly jinx, as this jacket and button-downĀ were never meant to be and really need to break up.

I know itā€™s gonna be rough, but there are plenty of other shirts and jackets out there that are much more compatible.

*****

Theo Riddick

via DetroitLions.com

Theo Riddickā€™s patriotic winter hat has just been added to my Christmas list. Outstanding.

*****

Ben Roethlisberger

via Steelers.com

So meta.

I still find it amazing that Big Ben of all people prefers microphones and cell phones shoved in his face over standing at a podium with a defined distance from reporters.

*****

Colin Kaepernick

via 49ers.com

Nooooooooooooooooooo! Oh man. Kaep needs toĀ bring back theĀ poofy glory that has become so much a part of his personal brand.

Bottom line:Ā If youā€™re not gonna give us wins, at least give us the ā€˜fro.

*****

Victor Cruz

via Giants.com

A New York Natives varsity jacket by KITH and some serious gold as the perfect accent. Victor Cruz is winning and youā€™re not.

He also had some pretty badass cleats. TheĀ maracas on the back were an incredible touch.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BNCl3GZD_nk/

*****

Carson Wentz

via PhiladelphiaEagles.com

Carson Wentz is flat-out slaying his fellow rookies when it comes to the suit game.

Though Iā€™m stillĀ unsure as to why a reporter felt the need to threaten him with a stun gun. Brings back haunting memories of what Scott Hall did to help Kevin Nash end Goldbergā€™s streak.

via YouTube

*****

Thomas Morstead

via NewOrleansSaints.com

This dude is the Saints PUNTER? My god.

If you suddenly have the urge to throw onĀ Into The Wild, youā€™re not alone.

*****

Ezekiel Elliott

via DallasCowboys.com

Officially convinced that Ezekiel Elliottā€™s beard is fake. Or at the very least, detachable.

Additionally, I cannot get over how much EzekielĀ Elliot looks more like Video Game Ezekiel Elliot than Real Ezekiel Elliot.

I always have to do a double take and wouldnā€™t be the least bit surprised if we later learn that ZekeĀ is, in fact, a CGI creation.

*****

Mike Craft?

via Panthers.com

Either Panthers reporter Mike Craft is one of the largest humans on earth or 5ā€™11 punter Michael Palardy was zapped with a shrinking gun just moments before the camera began rolling.

UPDATE: Itā€™s confirmed.Ā Mike Craft is basically the Shaq of football reporters.

*****

Bonus Round: Air McFly Cleats!

Between Cruz, OBJ and Landon Collins, the Giants always seem to be full of interesting surprises.

*****

If everyone showed up to work like this, the world would be a far better place.

*****

Draymond Green opted to offset his sleek jacket with Steven Tylerā€™s jeans from 1987.

Feels very symbolic, as Drayā€™ has become the master of doing something great thatā€™s quickly followed by doing something stupid.

*****

These Deion Things

Yup. Still weird. But if itā€™s the creep factor theyā€™re going for, theyā€™re doing it well.

https://twitter.com/nflnetwork/status/800576599787651073

Is it possible to use something other than an iPhone for these?

Oh, theyā€™re also using Skype too. Great. DeSean looks like heā€™s checking out a booty.

Helpful hint: Use an actual camera.

*****

Previously:Ā Antonio Brownā€™s Jacket Just Lit The World On Fire
Previously: Tom Bradyā€™s XXXL Overcoat Won The Weekend
Previously:Ā The Remarkable Transformation Of Case Keenum
Previously:Ā Tom Brady Pays Homage To Terrible Clothing
Previously:Ā Andrew Luck Fills Flashy Void For Tom Brady
Previously:Ā Cam Canā€™t Figure Out Which Color To Paint The Kitchen
Previously:Ā J.J. Watt Redeems Himself With ā€œSandlotā€ Shout-Out
Previously: MeetĀ Cam Newton, Exiled Member Of Exotic Barbershop Quartet
Previously:Ā Matt Ryan Takes Over Zoolander Duties In Tom Bradyā€™s Absence
Previously: Cam Newton Channels A Fashion-Forward Steve Urkel

*****

For more breaking news, scorchingĀ takes, and utter ass-hattery, follow Tim Ryan on Twitter and Instagram. For a look at last seasonā€™s colorful ride at the podium, each of those installments can be found right here.