Basketball Shakespeare is here, and not a minute too late for the Thanksgiving holidays. As the NBA season is off to its most exciting start in years, every team (even Brooklyn) has reason to be thankful. And what better way to show that appreciation than with everyone’s favorite concise form of writing — haikus.
Without further ado, here are Thanksgiving haikus for every single NBA team, the reasons for their seasons.
Eastern Conference
Toronto Raptors
Demar Derozan?
More like Demar De‘Jordan’.
Long live mid-range shots.
Boston Celtics
Brad Stevens is Love.
Brad Stevens for President.
Brad Stevens is Life.
New York Knicks
New York’s quite large son-
Loyal we’ll be unto thee,
Kristaps Porzingod.
Brooklyn Nets
We don’t suck? I think?
Kenny Atkinson seems fine.
Lin’s hairstyles are cool.
Philadelphia 76ers
Joel Embiid, Joel Embiid,
Screw the rules of haikus,
We have Joel Embiid.
Cleveland Cavaliers
Nothing else matters.
Cursed no more, since Golden State
Blew a 3-1 lead.
Chicago Bulls
Rose out, Butler in.
In the House That Michael Built.
Wade can shoot 3s now?
Indiana Pacers
Got PG13,
But this defense rated R.
Myles Turner’s great though.
Milwaukee Bucks
It’s true. All of it.
Well, except for Giannis.
Humans can’t do that.
Detroit Pistons
Stan Van is the man.
Dropping truth bombs and spitting
Fire on the mic.
Atlanta Hawks
Woah, Dwight’s good again?
Maybe we won’t miss Horford
In the ATL.
Charlotte Hornets
Kemba’s stunting like
He’s still at UConn, ice cold
And dropping buckets.
Orlando Magic
Just watch Gordon dunk.
Remember the dunk contest?
Let’s focus on that.
Miami Heat
Hide your layups, and
Hide your jump shots. Whiteside is
Blocking everything.
Washington Wizards
We lost to Philly.
And they didn’t have Embiid.
Just burn it all down.
Western Conference
Oklahoma City Thunder
Pure basketball rage,
All hail the Pettyweight Champ.
All hail Russ Westbrook.
Portland Trailblazers
Say, what time is it?
Thanksgiving 2016?
Nope, it’s Lillard Time.
Utah Jazz
Ah, Gordon Hayward
And his impeccable hair.
Plus healthy Gobert.
Denver Nuggets
Look, we’re young and cool!
Manning’s retired. Maybe
People will watch now.
Minnesota Timberwolves
Look at Wiggins shoot,
LaVine dunking, Towns running.
Hold up, we’re losing?
Los Angeles Clippers
Best team in the league?
Chris Paul? DJ? Blake? Nah.
Mo Buckets baby.
Golden State Warriors
KD chose the bay,
Proves that we’re light years ahead.
Suck it, NBA.
Los Angeles Lakers
With Luke on our side,
Can’t see these haters because
The future’s so bright.
Sacramento Kings
Someone save Boogie
Lest Vivek tries to turn him
Into a point guard.
Phoenix Suns
Booker’s young Kobe.
And with our medical staff,
He may never age.
San Antonio Spurs
Pop’s not the hero
We need, but rather he’s
The hero we deserve.
Memphis Grizzlies
Grit and Grind is gone?
Been replaced by pace and space?
Old habits die hard.
Houston Rockets
Mike D’Antoni style.
First team to 120 wins.
Go James Harden go.
New Orleans Pelicans
Pelicans are ‘meh’.
Anthony Davis is great.
Thank god for AD.
Dallas Mavericks
Is this how Dirk goes?
The Greatest European-
Give us one last swish.