Usually when someone buys you socks for Christmas they’re either a cliche stocking stuffer from your mom, because you can never have enough socks, or from someone making a concerted effort to convey that you are of very little importance to them.
But that rule strictly applies to socks that are, well, simply socks.
When they’re socks — or feet sweaters, as I like to call them — that feature classic NBA teams, old school logos, and the heads of legendary players, the gift of socks jumps into rarified air.
So if you’re willing to take it up a notch this Christmas or just flat-out shop for yourself because you’re tired of getting crap you won’t wear, what we have here are the go-to socks.
James Hardon – $18
James Harden socks designed with an Andy Warhol theme? Incredible.
I’m not really much of a Harden fan outside of his iconic beard, but I may have to make these meet my feet. The facial expression of choice is probably the clincher here.
The 1980 NBA All-Star Game – $18
This one is pretty easy: 1980s basketball, the NBA All-Star game, and patriotism for daaaaays.
These would be a must-wear on the 4th of July. But probably also on Christmas morning when you’re sitting around in comfortable sweatpants without a care in the world.
Or any other day, for that matter.
Old School Denver Nuggets – $14
One of my favorite NBA logos of all time. I would’ve been pleased enough with just that old classic logo on the side, but the color treatment applied to the foot vaulted these to next-level status.
These are the socks that your girlfriend or wife will absolutely hate you for owning and having the nerve to wear in public.
Definitely gonna need to buy these yourself.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar- $20
These are utterly ridiculous. The random green goggles are a nice touch, as is Kareem’s cracked elbow.
Imagine wearing shorts with high tops and just having that Kareem head peaking out from the top of the shoe? That would be my drive to buy in this case.
Seattle SuperSonics – $14
No-brainer. Love, love, love these.
Can’t wait for the Sonics to eventually come back to Seattle. And when they do, this is the logo to revert back to because that was the color scheme the Sonics sported when the glory began, so it’s only right that this is where the glory is renewed.
Larry Bird – $20
This is the only time we will ever see Larry Bird with a flat-top.
‘Nuff said, although I’m also concerned about his elbow too.
LeBron James – $20
Chinstrap beard and an exaggerated forehead wrinkle? I’ll take a dozen.
Unless, of course, that’s supposed to represent Bronnie’s ever-wandering, confusing hairline.
Whatever. Either way, I’ll take a dozen.
Dennis Rodman – $18
via stance.com
The paint splats, the hair, the shoes, the No. 91 Bulls jersey, and the signature way The Worm would come crashing down after snatching a rebound — it’s all perfect.
Stockton & Malone – $20
John Stockton looks like he set foot in Meltdown City hours ago and has no means to escape, while Karl Malone looks like he just finished chewing up his third Xanax. Beautiful.
I hated the Jazz when these guys were there but I love the stark difference in demeanor.
Kobe Bryant – $18
For the ultimate Kobe fanboy, here’s a pair of socks that feature Mamba in signature shooting form and the year he won each of his five championship rings on top of your very own feet.
According to the site — “Few Left!” — these things are going fast, so go ahead and snag ’em while you fight through tears of embarrassing devotion.
Old School NJ Nets – $14
I don’t care about the Nets, never have cared about the Nets, and never will care about the Nets.
Having said that, the red, white and blue fade on the foot is tremendous.
The key is, you need to be wearing pants when wearing these socks so that if you take off your shoes, no one will ever know that you’re wearing New Jersey Nets socks and forked over $14 for one pair.
Dikembe Mutombo – $16
This really isn’t the best graphic and I would’ve preferred artwork over an actual picture anyway, but his finger is in the air and these are socks featuring the great Dikembe Mutombo.
Exceedingly difficult to dislike, just like the man himself.
Dr. J – $18
If you know a 76ers fan, you’re well aware that they’ve been through a lot; so buy them a pair of these socks.
It’s Dr. J in a signature pose and it’s god damn heartwarming.
#TrustTheProcess
Patrick Ewing – $18
These are much like the Rodman and Dr. J socks in the sense that it completely captures the player we all so vividly remember.
Let’s just pretend Patrick Ewing’s not about to botch an easy layup against the Pacers in the 1995 Conference Finals, because he is.
Isiah Thomas & Bill Laimbeer? – $16
Listen, I never expected to see Bill Laimbeer on a pair of socks, but here we are and I’m fascinated.
The trick, at least from my standpoint, would be to buy two pair so you can wear Laimbeer on both feet.
Otherwise it’s a no-go because screw Isiah.
Jason Williams & Vlade Divac! – $16
The hairiest flopper of all time and White Chocolate are on SOCKS together. Please read that sentence again.
Learn it. Live it. Love it. Own it.
Oh, and a special thanks to the designers of this set for choosing an image that showcased Vlade’s armpits.
Old School Toronto Raptors – $14
When I saw these socks, all I could think of was Vince Carter and Tracy McGrady on the same team in their prime and what could have been.
Sad!
Superb socks, though.
Bill Walton – $16
Bill Walton sporting a headband and a beard sent directly from god? Certainly worth considering. Hipsters will be all over these things.
*****
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