Rockets want you to think that James Harden is better than Gandalf
By Ian Levy
The most obvious physical characteristic of James Harden is that beard — it’s like a sculpted sponge, ensnaring the darkest fears of hapless defenders. Heck, the actual beard itself is averaging like two-and-a-half free throw attempts per game. It’s a power object, a totem, and it’s not a stretch to believe that the beard is imbued with magical powers.
If you believe the Houston Rockets, though, that beard basically makes Harden a wizard. In a rather ham-handed attempt to rally some All-Star Votes for Harden, the Rockets sent their digital team on a dangerous journey across the unforgiving landscape of photoshop to come up with this:
Sure, Harden has some wizardly skills. Sure, he’s on the right side of a righteous war for the very soul of humanity — a bearded beacon of hope in an increasingly clean-shaven world. But he’s no Gandalf.
Not all bearded magicians should be lumped into the same category. Gandalf’s beard was utterly tangential to his magical abilities, where with Harden it seems to be the direct and pulsing source of his power. Harden rocks his beard because he’s a bad, bad man, the kind you don’t take home to mama. Gandalf sports a beard because he lives in a fictional fantasy world where Dollar Shave Club has yet to be invented. One beard is an intentional choice. The other is an itchy, tangled, food-stained, inconvenience.
Next: The one where Embiid and Cousins pat butts
Also, I’m not sure what exactly “The Beard is Better” is supposed to be referring too. Harden’s beard is clearly superior but it’s been edited out of this photo. And, to the idea of Harden being able to open the gates of Mordor, consider me skeptical. Harden’s magical gifts clearly reside in the schools of conjuring and illusion, opening magical gates is a job for a sorcerer.
There are literally billions of people who resider in that Venn-diagram overlap between basketball fans and Lord of the Rings fans, and they are a powerful and vocal voting block. It makes sense to try and appeal to them. However, this poorly constructed visual argument was not the way to do it. Vote James Harden, but put it in your own tweet.