Matt Bonner retires as New Hampshire’s GOAT

Using a video to announce your retirement has become something of an art form in modern times. The first one that springs to mind is Charles “Peanut” Tillman going around for three minutes and knocking stuff out of people’s hands to announce his retirement last summer.

But now there’s a new king of retirement videos and his name is Matt Bonner. The lovable “Red Rocket” who spent the majority of his 10 seasons in the NBA with the San Antonio Spurs posted a video to his Twitter feed Friday that was too good to ignore.

The beauty is in the self-deprecating details. Bonner sets himself up in an empty room with a confused reporter who thinks he’s Matt Damon. He has a janitor with a thick New England accent that is so indecipherable we need subtitles to understand it. Then he tours New Hampshire in his video tribute while shouting out all of New England.

Dude straight up carries a basketball throughout nature and looks into the horizon for a good minute. The video ends with Bonner walking into an old gym in full Spurs gear and going up for a dunk with a freeze frame before he flushes it home.

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For San Antonio fans and lovers of big men who barely make the rotation, this is a big blow. It will be sad not to see that big No. 15 getting ready by the scorers table this season but this was bound to happen with all the frontcourt players that the Spurs have now.

Bonner won’t be moving too far though, as the Spurs have decided to bring him on to the Fox Sports Southwest team as a studio analyst.

Let’s hope that Bonner’s comedy chops transfer over to the new job.