Fansided

How the NBA players tried to ruin the All-Star game

By Ian Levy

December 15, 2016; Oakland, CA, USA; Golden State Warriors center JaVale McGee (1) dunks the basketball during the first half against the New York Knicks at Oracle Arena. The Warriors defeated the Knicks 103-90. Mandatory Credit: Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports
December 15, 2016; Oakland, CA, USA; Golden State Warriors center JaVale McGee (1) dunks the basketball during the first half against the New York Knicks at Oracle Arena. The Warriors defeated the Knicks 103-90. Mandatory Credit: Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports /
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Listen, we’re all busy. I get that. Every one of us is sitting on some voluminous to-do list (mental or actual) with no hope of every being scratched out entirely. Life is short and when someone dumps some extra task in your lap there is a an obvious inclination to mail it in, just flit through it so you can get back to that bag of Cheez Doodles and trying to beat your personal best time for Super Mario Bros. 3.

But that approach to life has real consequences. It can subvert the very fabric of organizations and rend the structure of our society. It can imply that someone like JaVale McGee might actually belong in the NBA All-Star game.

This year, for the first time, NBA players were given ballots to help select the starters in the NBA All-Star game. Their votes counted for 25 percent of the final tally, with a select group of media members contributing 25 percent, and fans — the traditional All-Star starting lineup gatekeepers — contributing the other 50 percent. Now, the fans don’t exactly have the best track record of taking this thing seriously (side-eye at Zaza Pachulia) and I was up most of the night sending strongly-worded emails to media members who somehow didn’t have Kyle Lowry among the top two guards in the Eastern Conference.

Read More: Kyle Lowry is better than Kyrie Irving and DeMar DeRozan

Still, the NBA players and their Cheez Doodle-stained ballots were the biggest embarrassment in the whole process. The aforementioned JaVale McGree received four votes. Now, McGee is technically having a “good season” but his credentials aren’t really up to snuff.

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McGee was not the only questionable vote. Jerami Grant received three votes, and Pierre Jackson only received one. Joakim Noah received five votes and none of them had a “jk, lol” after them. In fact, if this was left up to the players we could have ended up with All-Star starting lineups like this:

Eastern Conference

PG: Michael Rappaport

SG: Tony Snell

SF: Luke Babbitt

PF: Marshall Plumlee

C: Marshall Tucker Band

Western Conference

PG: Ben McLemore

SG: Nick Young

SF: Kevin Hart

PF: Kevin Nealon

C: Georgios Papagiannis

Even more offensive is the fact that only about 75 percent of the NBA players even bothered to submit a ballot. Trite joke about turnout in our national election!

Next: The Joel Embiid All-Star campaign worked… sort of

NBA players, you should be ashamed of yourselves. I hope that record time in Super Mario Bros. 3 was worth it. Enjoy your Cheez Doodles.

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