Get Off My Lawn: The Patriots Are Killing Me

As a lifelong Patriot fan who suffered through the Hugh Millen, Tommy Hodson, Eugene Chung, Hart Lee Dyke and Victor Kiam years (am I done proving my fandom yet?), I have one request for Tom, Bill and Bob. Can you win a Super Bowl handily one of these times? The closest I have come to really enjoying a Super Bowl was when Donovan McNabb threw up the Eagles chances against the Pats in 2015. Every other of the five wins have been excruciating and painful. I might even make the case they are almost as painful as the two losses to the New Jersey Giants.

This past Super Bowl win left me drained and tired. My voice was lost – my mouth was dry and I felt like I was on the verge of a cardiac infarction. My son was screamed at – and I was able to only choke down a single Corona Light all night. My dog might have a urinary track infection now – because I refused to move from my spot for two hours (holding an empty plate and bottle of Diet Coke) while she barked at me relentlessly to take her outside.

It is all not fair. Look at Denver fans – they must have had an absolute BLAST enjoying last year’s rout of the Jaguars… I mean Panthers. I mean even the 12’s got to enjoy a Super Bowl blowout of the Broncos before getting choked out by Tom Terrific in 2015 – yet another game where I felt like I had little time to truly enjoy.

I Want A World Where This Guy Gets A Sack & TD Catch

It is not too much to ask – and this makes it basically five Super Bowl wins in a row that I was unable to gloat about during the game. I just want to be able to sit back, go on Twitter and yuck it up real time and point out how great the Patriots, Tom and Bill are. I want to take selfies of me and awesome Patriot themed cup cakes commemorating the eventual championship and point out the fact that your team stinks over and over. I guess we don’t live in a perfect world. I will find a way to survive and continue to suffer through each of these painful Super Bowl Victories. Now if you excuse me I have to go watch another Sound FX clip (anyone else notice this year’s were not as good as 2015’s?) and tell some neighborhood kids that the Giants and Jets STINK and to GET OFF MY LAWN.