Man vs. Beast: 10 NFL players, animals that should fight each other

2. Chad Ochocinco vs. Kangaroo

Fighter Statistics

Chad Ochocinco: 6-foot-1, 192 pounds

Kangaroo: 6-foot-7, 200 pounds

Advantages

Chad Ochocinco: 11 years of taking hard hits

Kangaroo: lethal foot power, enough fighting XP to be in Street Fighter

Disadvantages

Chad Ochocinco: trash talker, lives off of McDonald’s

Kangaroo: stubby arms, lack of socialization skills

Let’s address the elephant in the room. A few months ago, a YouTube video surfaced, showing an adult human male swapping a punch with a kangaroo because that ‘roo had his dog in a chokehold. Little to the ‘roo’s knowledge, the man was ready to throw down and went as far as resuming a proper boxing stance. In the end, the kangaroo ended up being victimized by a human’s fist and the expressionless ‘roo trotted away like nothing happened. That video serves as a lesson: some times man prevails over beast. The ‘roo, however, will see redemption at its finest with Chad Johnson.

Very little support can be accredited to Chad Johnson at this juncture. He’s one of those that need some tough love and, quite frankly, a full-sized kangaroo will offer some. In fact, the ‘roo is so powerful in its lower body that it could tear out a human’s insides if it swiped into one’s stomach hard enough. That would be the finish line for a man once known as Ochocinco. That would be an effective way of showing tough love, right? It would also be satisfying to see one of the most foul-mouth, overrated people in all of sports history exchange punches in a boxing match with a cute, yet vicious,  animal.