In this week’s edition of FanSided’s WWE Power Rankings, WWE World Champion Bray Wyatt rubbed ashes all over himself, Braun Strowman almost knocked Roman Reigns into the crowd from the top of the ramp and Maryse aired some Bella Twins drama on live television. It was just another week in the land of ring ropes and guys with unshaven beards and girls that can probably beat you up.
This week in WWE showed mostly why we watch wrestling these days.
After making short work of Jinder Mahal — who I’m convinced is not the same Jinder Mahal that wrestled Seth Rollins in the first NXT title match ever — Roman Reigns called out The Undertaker. Who in the right mind calls out The Deadman? That’s asking for trouble.
But, instead of getting The Undertaker, out comes … “The Heartbreak Kid” Shawn Michaels, or as he put it during his promo with Reigns on Monday, “Mr. Wrestlefreakin’Mania”. (This should be trademarked. It sounds much better.)
Michaels warned Reigns about the mind games that The Deadman can play. He would know. He faced The Phenom in two of the greatest WrestleMania matches of all-time. After Reigns tried to flex his moxie to HBK, he got snow-plowed at the top of the ramp by Braun Strowman. Why was Braun there? Who knows. But, this GIF is forever and I’ll have it opened in my browser forever.
As for the blue brand, Maryse cut a better promo than about 75-80 percent of the entire company can on Tuesday night in regards to Nikki Bella and John Cena. AJ Styles threw Shane McMahon threw a car window and no, that’s not fake news. It legitimately happened.
Also, we got the most random main event in history when The Usos beat American Alpha — yeah, there still around! — in a non-title match, which may mean this rematch could be coming at WrestleMania (or at least on the nine-hour long Kickoff Show).
Why do we watch wrestling? Because a big man calls out a dead man and then gets destroyed by an even bigger man, and then women on both shows show how much they rule. Plus, a guy got thrown through a car window. That’s always awesome.
So, there’s your recap of the week. And, that’s not even mentioning the part where a grown man rubbed ashes all over his body. Seriously.
Let’s rank these real people in this make-believe universe called professional wrestling.
(Disclaimer: The wrestlers chosen for this power rankings list only appear on Monday Night Raw or SmackDown Live, so that means no NXT/205Live specific stars are on this list.)