Who is sending potatoes to NBA players?

Someone out there is sending potatoes to NBA players. Why? Nobody knows, but it’s happening without really any explanation. At first it just seemed like the biggest Dirk Nowitzki fan in the world sent him a potato because people love Dirk. He’s a goofy guy and who wouldn’t want to send him a potato? If I had a potato right now and Dirk asked for it he would get that potato. Dirk can have whatever he wants, especially a potato.

That was a little strange, but hey it’s the NBA where DeAndre Jordan was once kidnapped by his own teammates so he’d re-sign with the Clippers. Weird stuff happens in this league. Of course, everybody thought that was the end of it and everybody would move on with their potato-less lives. Then, out of nowhere, Frank Kaminsky received a potato. Could this be a copycat potato sender that loved the idea of Dirk so much they wanted to share in the fun?

Whatever the reason, Kaminsky also got a potato and it’s strikingly similar in style to the Dirk potato. If this is a copycat then they’re very detailed in copying, but this one just feels too similar to the other. A lone potato sender is responsible for the great NBA potato famine of 2017 and they must be figured out. The question is who?

Okay, let’s look at the facts. Both are tall white power forwards. Kaminsky attended Wisconsin. Dirk is from Germany. There’s a large German presence in the mid-west. Perhaps this is someone of German origin that lives in the Wisconsin area? The math adds up. I think we’re getting somewhere.

NO. KEVIN DURANT GETTING A POTATO RUINS THE WHOLE SYSTEM. He is neither German nor from Wisconsin! Gah, back to the drawing board. Who is sending these potatoes? Is it you reader? Are YOU sending the potatoes? Come clean.

Here’s my actual theory. This is an NBA player that thought it would be funny to hire someone to send potatoes to other players at random and confuse the whole league. That, or it’s a player conspiracy theory. They’re all working together to fool the fans into thinking there’s someone actually out there sending potatoes for no reason. Two of the players involved, Kaminsky and Dirk, are known for joking around. Now that Durant’s in on it we’ll see LeBron James and other big stars get one too.

Next: Swimming in the mystery of Knicks PR

Just don’t expect Russell Westbrook to get in on the joke. If he got a potato he probably threw it away.