Could Lonzo Ball beat LaVar Ball in a game of one-on-one?

The basketball world has developed a nice morning ritual over the past few weeks. Wake up. Stretch. Grab some slippers and let the dog out. Hit the head and then the coffee pot. Finally, slide up to the computer or pull out your phone and spend some time reading about whatever whackadoo nut-bar thing LaVar Ball just said.

If you somehow haven’t been introduced to this character, Ball played some college basketball (barely) at Washington State in the late 1980s. He followed that up by fathering three sons, all of whom happen to be pretty good at basketball. The oldest, Lonzo, is a star point guard at UCLA and is likely to be a top pick in next year’s NBA Draft. Lonzo is terrific, in some pretty unique ways, and seems destined to be a solid NBA player, at the very least. LaVar is verbose and seems destined to stay on the radar of sports media with increasingly wild statements about himself, his sons, and their basketball brilliance.

To recount, LaVar has taken public shots at LeBron James and Charles Barkley, stated that he expects a billion-dollar endorsement deal for Lonzo as an NBA rookie, called his son the best player in the world (specifically placing him above Stephen Curry), and stated that in his prime he (LaVar) could have beat Michael Jordan in a game of one-on-one.

Ball doubled down on the Jordan claim this morning while showing off his shouting game to noted shouting connoisseur Stephen A. Smith.

All that raises an important question — what if LaVar were to play Lonzo one-on-one? His previous statements establish his opinion that Lonzo is probably a superior player to Jordan. And while MJ may not have been able to handle LaVar’s game without help, how would Lonzo fare?

In truth, LaVar would probably win this game too. Both he and his son are listed at 6-foot-6, but LaVar is clearly bigger and stronger. In a one-on-one setting, he could probably just bully his way to victory with that old school back-to-the-basket, YMCA-style post-up game. As good as Lonzo is, the biggest questions around him as a draft prospect are his ability to shoot off the dribble and to create his own shot in isolation — two shortcomings his father is certainly aware of and would be able to exploit.

The problem is, if Lonzo can’t even beat his own father in a game of driveway hoops, how are we to take him seriously as the best player in the world? How can any responsible NBA team use a first round draft pick on a player who can’t beat a 48-year old? Could any athletic apparel company really convince itself of the wisdom of spending a billion dollars to make that poor kid the public face of their products?

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Within this paradox LaVar’s lies are exposed and the truth is revealed. No matter how much paternalistic pumping up of his sons he does, it is LaVar who is the greatest basketball player of all time. He is the one who deserves the shoe contracts and the honor of having his name called first on draft night. (As near as I can tell, he’s draft-eligible at age 48). Like any good father, he is trying to help his sons shine but, frankly, we can see right through him.

I look forward to seeing how a LaVar Ball – D’Angelo Russell backcourt works out for the Lakers next year. Probably an 82-0 season.