Does LaVar Ball Understand Math?

Oh no!  Not another column about how LaVar is bad for the game; how LaVar Ball is the helicopter parent we created OR crave. Another blog about his claims to have been able to beat Michael Jordan in one on one, or how the insufferable Lebron James told LaVar to “keep his kids out of it.” I also won’t write a knee-jerk reaction about De-Aaron Fox being better Lonzo (because he is not).

By now you must have heard that LaVar wants to sign his three sons to a combined Billion dollar shoe contract. Never mind that the next son up, LaMelo, is not even a consensus top 100 high school recruit. What I wonder is if LaVar understands how much money a Billion dollars is.  Sure, you can make the case that he was just using the word to grab headlines (which he did).  But something tells me he might be the right combination of crazy and dumb to believe it is possible. Please humor me and follow along. For starters, lets look at the simple math at how big a billion is.

1 Billion = 1,000 Million

LaVar is doubling down on the fact that a shoe company would see the profit in paying his sons a MILLION dollars a THOUSAND times. When I was his kid’s age, I was worried about graduating college and not wasting my dad’s tuition money. I worried about getting to my job at the local liquor store on time not being hungover. These three sons have a Billion dollar bounty hanging over their head – and it is a bounty that their father didn’t honestly even do the math on.

Does LaVar realize how many sneakers it takes to make a billion dollars profit? Here is the quick math based on the assumption that Nike & Adidas makes between $2 – $5 on every pair of sneaker sold.

Profit for One Pair Of Sneakers: $5

Break Even Goal: $1,000,000,000

Number of Sneakers to break even: 200,000,000

If you are scoring at home – a sneaker manufacturer would need to sell the equivalent about TWO HUNDRED MILLION pairs of sneakers to break even if they gave the Balls a billion dollar contract. Consider that in 2015 Lebron James sold $340 million worth of sneakers (total sales – NOT profit). Let’s do some ballpark math on that:

Lebron James Sales: $3,400,000

Average Cost of Lebron James Sneakers: $175

Number of Lebron James Sneakers sold: 19,429

So there you have it. As expected, the most outlandish thing he has said is not even remotely supported by dummy math. He expects his kids to sell about two hundred million pairs of sneakers. Let that sink in.

I do realize there is more to profit to be made than sneakers (branding and apparel) and that I am presenting some pretty simplistic math, but you get the point. Unfortunately, this probably won’t be the last dumb thing LaVar says or does. As a Celtic fan, I shudder at the thought of Danny Ainge having to make the decision on drafting this kid (as they currently have the best odds of landing the #1 pick). I am sure local fans will warm up to good old LaVahhhhhhh the first time he questions Larry Joe Bird’s legacy.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to slide my feet into a pair of Crocs and walk the pooch in some Old Glory cargo shorts. As far as I know, no professional athletes are wetting their beaks on these purchases.