Lionel Messi suspended: What else should FIFA ban players for?
FIFA banned Argentina star Lionel Messi four games for insulting an assistant referee. What other crimes should it be suspending players for?
Soccer’s governing body seems to finally be cracking down on the miscreants plaguing the world’s pitches. Now that the next four Argentina matches will thankfully be free of Lionel Messi’s bullying, FIFA is free to look for other sources of villainy it can snuff out.
Let’s take a look at some of the other stains on the sport that FIFA needs to crack down on.
1. Shirt-tugging in the box
We see players getting away with it all the time. A tall striker jostles for position in the 18-yard box as his teammate prepares to whip in a corner. He’s all but ready to pick the perfect cross out of the air and nod it into the net.
That is, if he could focus. A defender just won’t let go of his shirt. The striker tries to find space, but the marking player’s vice-like grip on his jersey is stopping him from going anywhere.
Seeing so many potential goals go un-scored because of distracted target men is a true shame. Such a blatant disregard for sportsmanship must not go unpunished.
Recommended ban: three matches
2. Taking forever on goal kicks
It’s possibly the most frustrating part of any game. A team is behind by one or two goals late in the match, and their attacking effort falls short, with the ball bouncing out behind the net. There’s still three or four minutes left to play, but the referee might as well end it now, because nothing interesting is going to happen.
The goalkeeper saunters back to retrieve the ball, and places it on the corner of the 6-yard box at his leisure. He carefully measures his steps back for his run-up, and takes a few more seconds to plan just where he wants to place the ball.
Then, as the opposing fans hiss at him, and the referee waves for him to play the ball, he jogs up and thumps it downfield, heroically delivering his team another 30 seconds toward victory. Half a minute of a professional soccer player’s time isn’t cheap; surely clubs want this waste of time dealt with.
FIFA cannot stand by as goalkeepers continue so blatantly to disrespect the game.
Recommended ban: two matches
3. Removing shirts in celebration
This just ruins a good moment, doesn’t it? Whether it’s a screamer into the top corner or a gritty stoppage-time equalizer, goals remind us all why we love this sport.
That is, until the hero of the hour screws it all up by taking his shirt off in celebration.
Really, it’s just improper. There are children watching, and god forbid an athlete’s bare chest be broadcast on television.
This particular crime is already a yellow card offense, but a booking hasn’t stopped players from continuing to disregard the customs of polite society.
Soccer players are meant to be role models, and they surely aren’t setting a good example by undressing on the field like this. FIFA must come down hard on these hooligans.
Recommended ban: four matches
4. Sideways passing
Everyone hates it. No entertaining bit of soccer has ever included a sideways pass in midfield. Really, this kind of time-wasting is an insult to the sport.
When uncreative sides resort to kicking it back and forth along the centre line, many fans prefer to watch the grass growing under their feet. Soccer leagues market themselves on the spectacle and athleticism, both of which are absent here.
In fact, FIFA would do well to follow in rugby’s footsteps and mandate that players pass in one direction — in this case, forward.
Recommended ban: one match
5. Calling for fouls while play continues
Sometimes, you just want to shout at your TV when you see it. A team is building up their attack, when suddenly they notice that one of their number has deserted them.
He’s 10 yards back of where he should be, rooted to the spot and screaming at the referee. He feels he’s been fouled, and won’t be convinced otherwise.
Maybe he fell down and rolled around for a bit while his teammates continued their advance. Or maybe he stopped trying to defend because he firmly believes the opposing striker was offside.
Either way, his incredulous expression and his hand stuck firmly in the air imply that he will not be any use to his team on this particular play. It’s unfortunate that so many teams have been forced to briefly play a man down while their player melts down at the referee.
FIFA should make an example of them by making that brief man-advantage permanent for the game.
Recommended ban: immediate red card
6. Insulting songs from the crowd
If referees are sensitive enough to feel insulted by Messi, who’s less than 6 feet tall, then how can they possibly be expected to deal with 100-foot-high terraces in stadiums?
Fans are notorious for making their feelings known to referees when decisions don’t go their way, and officials must be protected from the curses that rain down on them from the stands.
Again, children are watching. Swear words being sung by thousands of supporters are no good example for our youth. This stain on the sport of football must be eradicated. Teams should pay for their fans’ insolence.
Recommended ban: forfeit of match
7. Bad hair
There are some REALLY bad hairdos in the world of international soccer. David Beckham was one of the first to discover that millionaire athletes can influence the hairstyles of children, but his successors have taken it much too far.
Manchester United’s squad alone boasts a pair of criminal hair choices, with Marouane Fellaini’s cauliflower top and Paul Pogba’s … whatever it is. Mario Balotelli, Jack Grealish and Brek Shea all have hair that poses a serious threat to the fashion of future generations.
If FIFA cares about its image, it will get rid of these atrocious hairstyles once and for all.
Recommended ban: two games, and a buzzcut
8. Getting upset when substituted
We get it, you don’t want to leave the game. It’s annoying and, quite frankly, juvenile when star players make a scene just because the fourth official has pulled their number up.
Not even the most entitled of players is above substitution. Nonetheless, many of them seem unable to see the tactical value of taking them off the pitch in certain situations. Players would earn themselves far more respect if they would quietly leave the field as quickly as possible.
Managers have a right to make changes to their side mid-game, and if their players won’t adhere to it, then they’ll need FIFA to teach them a lesson.
Recommended ban: three games
9. Diving
This one has plagued soccer for generations. Many of the sport’s critics immediately mention how often they see stars rolling on the ground from the lightest of contact.
Seriously, if FIFA wants to continue to grow its brand in North America especially, this is a real problem that needs to be removed from the game. Sure, in any sport there’s a level of gamesmanship and embellishment to get calls, but diving goes too far in many cases.
If FIFA was to serve harsh justice to the players who flop all over the pitch, then maybe the sport would improve its reputation with some more casual watchers.
Recommended ban: five games
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10. Actually fouling a player
Arguably the most horrifying of all the misdeeds in this list. The rules are very clear, fouling other players is illegal.
But still, soccer’s most arrogant delinquents continue to hack down their opponents. The free-kicks and bookings seem not to deter them, with referees forced to call hundreds of fouls every year.
How can soccer sell itself when its own players won’t follow the rules? How dare they be so insolent as to slide into a rival player and knock him to the ground. What are they thinking?
FIFA’s efforts so far to stop this problem have found no success. Soccer’s fouling problem must be dealt with even more harshly. There’s no place for such sin in the beautiful game.