With the first round of the 2017 NBA Playoffs currently underway, players and teams have provided fans with a plethora of memorable moments on the court. While the on court product has been flourishing at it’s normal standard, however, the postgame press conferences and quotes have risen to a new level.
Postgame press conferences occur after every single game during the NBA’s regular season, but rarely do we find the golden nuggets we have been privy to so far in these playoffs. Pressure is at Defcon 1 levels as eight teams know this will be their final series this season. When pressure rises, things get personal and when things get personal, petty comments fly out of player’s mouths with such conviction that even fans of the targeted player might agree — even if just for a millisecond.
There will be many more postgame pressers this postseason to draw entertainment from, but we decided to chronicle some of the best to date. Not only are we mentioning them, we are ranking them by Naval Petty Officer ranks. Enjoy!
Fred Hoiberg thinks Isaiah Thomas carries the ball
Petty Officer Third Class
The Bulls came into their series with the Celtics with nothing to lose. This isn’t David vs. Goliath, but the Bulls are the No. 8 seed going up against the No. 1 seed, so of course they have no chance. Right? Well, after jumping out to 2-0 lead, they lost their point guard in Rajon Rondo to injury and the wheels have pretty much come off as the Celtics fought back to tie the series at 2-2.
After the game, Bulls coach Fred Hoiberg felt the need to attack the carrying nature of Isaiah Thomas.
Hoiberg kicks it off with the complimenting of Thomas’ game, which is the first indication he’s about to drop some knowledge on us. Then he give us the Okie-Dokey by telling us something we already know. C’mon, Fred. Everyone in the league carries and travels, we see it constantly, but for you to drop this kind of thing on Thomas with all the off-court issues he’s dealing with, that earns you Petty Officer Third Class.
Thomas gave the response we all expected:
This is great on so many levels. First, we get to see Thomas smile and that’s been such a rarity over the past few weeks. Second, Gerald Green waits with anticipation for IT’s answer and then laughs accordingly. And to round this victory out, even Thomas’ kids know Hoiberg’s barbs are ill-conceived as they giggle.
Long live Isaiah Thomas!
Giannis Antetokounmpo brings DeMar DeRozan’s ineptitude to light
Petty Officer Second Class
Giannis Antetokounmpo has been building to this point for years and even when he gets petty, it’s still pretty cute. He’s been setting fans and peers up with his love for smoothies, chase down blocks, one-dribble-from-half-court-dunks and his overall joy for the game. And now with the Bucks finally on the big stage, he’s ready to flip the switch and be the bad guy — kinda.
Here’s what we needed from Antetokounmpo: “Snell did a great job on DeMar DeRozan…(looks at stat sheet)…OH! Oh my, I didn’t realize it was this bad for DeMar tonight. Only eight points with no made shots, yikes man.” That would have taken this series to new heights, but he is still morphing from his innocent puppy dog stature into the nearly 7-foot Russell Westbrookian persona we all cannot wait to see.
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DeRozan didn’t respond verbally, but he finished 12-of-22 from the field and 9-of-9 from the free throw line for 33 points in Game 4 and a Raptors win.
CJ McCollum pokes fun at Draymond Green
Petty Officer Second Class
CJ McCollum is a savvy dude. He had to know the Trail Blazers were simply outmatched against the Warriors, so when Draymond Green missed a wide open dunk, he just could not help himself.
My issue here is even McCollum and Lillard know this is corny. The reporter brings up the comment and McCollum gives a sly side smile and Lillard cracks a no-you-did-not-say-that grin as well. The reason it even qualifies as petty is because McCollum — regardless of his “where I come from” statement — is probably the nicest dude in the league, so his usual trash talk is likely inviting his opponents to a nice seafood dinner and never calling them again.
Let’s leave the real trash talkin to Dray because he’s become the master of it.
Paul George needs to take the last shot
Chief Petty Officer
The Pacers were swept by the Cavaliers but honestly could have won three of their four games played if the pendulum had just swung the right way. Unfortunately, after a one-point loss in Game 1, George made it known he needs to shoot any last shot for his team.
There isn’t a single person who really disagrees with George’s sentiment. He’s the best player on his team, the top shot-maker on his team and he probably should get any last second shot. C.J. Miles, however, got a damn good shot considering the circumstances but he just missed it.
People had fun with George because data — more on that later — shows George is 0-of-15 on potential game-tying or go-ahead shots in the last 20 seconds of the game since entering the league. Not good, Bob. Karma is a b—, so of course in the waning moments of Game 4 with his team down three, George gets the ultimate chance at redemption.
I’m sad George missed this on multiple fronts. It always sucks to see a team head home for the offseason so that’s the first reason. The real reason, though, is imagining George’s postgame press conference had he made the 3-pointer and then had the Pacers go on to win the game: “That right there is why Paul maf—n’ George always gets the last shot,” he’d say before walking off the stage and taking his fine for not answering questions.
The universe is cruel, so instead we get PG eating his own words after basically air balling the game-tying 3.
Markieff Morris calls Paul Millsap a crybaby and Dennis Schroder is incredulous over it
Senior Chief Petty Officer
Markieff Morris is no stranger to opening his mouth and immediately regretting that decision, so hearing him call Paul Millsap a “crybaby” wasn’t all that surprising.
Morris isn’t even looking at the camera when he says Millsap is a crybaby. If he would have looked dead into the camera and said it with conviction, I would have believed it even more. Morris is likely materializing his internal frustration with his own play into this name calling charade. He put up 21 points in the Wizards’ Game 1 victory and then had a combined 12 points on 5-of-17 shooting in Game 2 and 3.
The best part is this came after Game 3 where Millsap took nine free throws. In Game 1 and 2 he averaged 13 attempts per game, so it’s not like the refs gave him the Kawhi Leonard treatment.
How anyone could watch this clip and not be laughing right now is beyond my comprehension. Schroder’s reaction was “oh…my god” but I heard “awwww, Kieff done messed up now!” Schroder looks like the villain revealed at the end of a bad cop movie and everyone is stunned that’s it’s a gold-watch-wearin’ dude with blonde in his hair.
Clearly Millsap is the level headed guy here as he calculates his response while Schroder is incredulous to the news he’s just been told. I seriously cannot stop laughing.
Jimmy Butler isn’t sure Marcus Smart is about that life
Senior Chief Petty Officer
Jimmy Butler and Marcus Smart just need to have a halftime cage match and get this ordeal over with. Let’s be clear, Smart is the guy on the Celtics literally every opponent hates, but would also love to have as a teammate. He grinds, he flops, he acts and ultimately he gets under players’ skin.
Butler is the better player, but Smart is living up to his surname by playing head games with Butler. So far, the Taylor Swift loving swingman isn’t thrilled.
Butler is mistaken as Smart is certainly “about that life” but Butler ain’t no slouch. This matchup — which we will never actually see — would be one for the ages. Butler has captured our imagination with his light-hearted persona, his singing of Taylor Swift (and other country music) and most of all his stellar play on the court, but there’s a darkness there. Butler is certainly about that life, but he’s far too valuable to the Bulls to ever prove it and therein lies our conundrum.
What happens if in Game 5 Smart does try to prove he’s “about that life”? The Celtics could certainly still beat Chicago without Smart (especially if Butler is also missing), but the opposite is far from true. Butler would have no choice but to back down if this really played out in the middle of a game and that’s the genius of Smart in a nutshell.
Russell Westbrook cares not for people who don’t play
Master Chief Petty Officer
There is no player in the NBA right now who is more petty than Russell Westbrook. With all due respect to Shea Serrano of The Ringer, his calculation from December needs to be updated. Westbrook has the title, the championship belt, the trophy or whatever other symbol of pettiness may be in existence.
Sunday night, Westbrook’s teammate Andre Roberson had a rough night from the charity stripe. The Rockets employed the hack-a-Roberson and he ended up shooting 2-for-12 from the line. On one occasion, Houston’s bench took extreme glee in one of those misses.
I have no issue with this — Roberson can stymie all of this by MAKING A DAMN FREE THROW — but it’s petty as hell. Montrezl Harrell, Bobby Brown and the suited up Sam Dekker took afternoon delight to another level with this one.
Westbrook heard about it Monday afternoon and was not as excited.
Westbrook was pretty close as Dekker hasn’t played a single minute (due to injury) in the playoffs and Harrell and Brown have combined for eight minutes played with just four points scored.
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For all the chatter about Westbrook being hard to deal with or a bad teammate he certainly always has his teammates’ backs. And instead of simply answering the question with “I didn’t see it” and leaving it there, he just had to throw those guys under the bus. This is simultaneously why people love and hate Westbrook. There is no man more petty at the moment and he should be lauded daily for it.